Metamorphose [7]

Chapter 2: Breakdown

Several hours went and passed me by to the point where I found myself now sitting at the dining table in one of the larger room of the manor with the rest of the Feral Plains family, who were all eating their meals and talking amongst themselves like there wasn't a single care in the world. To them, there probably wasn't any cares or worries at the moment for any of them right now. Henry and Beck had recently returned from their honeymoon so that they could celebrate Christmas with us. It would be the first Christmas that we all spent together as one huge family and nobody wanted to miss that. I looked down at my plate that had two pieces of buttered toast and three slices of bacon. Even though it smelled very delicious, there were something that just kept me from eating right now. It was either the fact that I had eaten myself to near death since Thanksgiving or because Robin's words still haunted me - now more than ever it seemed. Hyde rested by my feet in his feral form, snoozing away like he often did, and to be honest, I was glad for that, otherwise he would obviously see the troubled look in my bicolored eyes as I stared blankly at my plate in front of me now. Beck, who was the one sitting closest to me at the table, glanced at me for a few seconds, soon noticing how silent I was this morning. He wondered if he should say something or just leave it to Hyde, knowing that he tended to involve himself in other people's business at the bad times, but this was his sister, after all and Beck felt like there was a somewhat right that he had to it - right? He wasn't sure. Beck looked over at his mate, who was simply eating away at the tasty food that was provided for him, but he soon stopped when he realized that Beck was staring at him. "What?" Henry mumbled, swallowing his mouthful of food, "Don't judge me and my eating habits." If this was a lighter situation, the feline-hybrid would've teased him about it, but he was too concerned with how I seemed. "Did something happen while we were gone? Something seems off about Rebecca.." He trailed off as the two of them glanced at me, so was still deep in thought about the matter and wasn't paying attention to anything at the current moment. After a while, I caught sight of them both looking at me out of the corner of my eye and I broke away from my thoughts for a moment to pick up a piece of toast and take a bite of it to avoid being seen as suspicious for no real apparent reason. "Hey, sis, you feeling okay this morning?" Beck asked me, finally racking up the courage to involve himself in the situation at hand, "You seem kinda off this morning.." I hated it when people talked to me like I was slow and troubled, even if I was, but this was my brother and I did not have the guts to snap at my own sibling this early in the day, so I forced myself to be the kind leader that I needed to be and forced a small smile. "I'm fine, brother. I got a bit of a headache last night and I couldn't sleep much for the rest of the time - I'm just a bit tired, that's all." I simply said and that seemed to work for both of them to leave me alone now, probably because it was the most understandable thing for me to say since I often did get headaches and was tired all the time. However, they still seemed slightly worried, though neither Beck nor Henry said anything to me about it and I hoped it would stay that way. I was troubled with thoughts and such enough today. I did not need the pressure of my family on my shoulders as well. Sitting up in my chair, I looked around at the creatures at the dining table from Charlie and Freddie to even Ryuu and Sebastian. Amber, Piper, Kiwi, Scruffy - all of them seemed so content and lost in the day like nothing was wrong, so why did all of this bother me so much? Did Robin really scare me that much in the dream last night where I can't even get a moment of peace in my mind?

"I need to go do something real quick, I'll be right back." I finally decided to say as I stood up from my chair, which caught the immediate attention of Hyde, who lifted his head from his paws, "No, Hyde, stay here. Please." These thoughts of power and change were getting to me and I did not need him to see me break down in the other room. I was supposed to be their big, strong leader that was supposed to show no weakness or pain - so none of them needed to see this, not even Hyde. I brushed a hand through my hair as I gave a sigh and left the dining table, walking past everyone as fast as I could without seeming like I was in a hurry. I could feel several of them staring at me as I disappeared down the hallway of the manor without another word leaving me. Scruffy, who was sitting at the table, looked back at everyone, who was silent and glancing at one another. He shook his head and leaped from his chair, racing after me down the hallway without even addressing anyone before he did so. I muttered several things under my breath as I walked down the hallway, making sure to be far away enough from the dining room. Eventually, I came across the large living room with a couch and fireplace, many pictures hung on the wall and trinkets rested on the top of the mantel. I decided that this place would have to do as I went over to the couch and sat down, resting my head in my hands as I gripped my hair roughly as I squeezed my eyes shut. This didn't have to be this way, but of course, it was always like this - somehow. Everything seemed to be going so well here, but now that damned lynx had me rethinking everything that I've done. When she was finally gone from this world, I thought I would be finished with this pain that she had put me through twice before. I was wrong - so very wrong and that didn't even surprise me in the slightest. I could already feel tears welling up against my eyelids and threatening to spill now. I hated this, I hated this so much. I let my eyes open slightly and almost immediately I was greeted by the beautiful blue-hued eyes of the small brown canine, who currently sat between my legs. One of my tears slipped from the corners of my eyes, falling and landing on his nose, which made him blink up at me. "Please go away, Scruffy, I don't want you to see me like this," I said, but it sounded like a broken whimper. He shook his head at this. "No, I made you a promise long ago, remember?" Scruffy said, "I'll always be there for you when you cry. That's how it was when it was just you and me, nothing has changed since then." With that, the small canine leaped up into my lap, making my gut instinct to hold him and bury my face in his short, but soft fur. "I'm so sorry, Scruffy, I'm sorry.." I was starting to break down for real at this time and I didn't want to - someone might hear and see me in this pathetic state of mind. "Hey, what are you saying sorry for? There's nothing to be sorry for.." He soothed me, licking my face, wiping away the salty tears that now stained my cheeks. "It's all my fault, Scruff... All the pain and suffering that this family has gone through and I've just let it happen. I don't... I don't want this to happen.." I mumbled, some of my words not making sense through all the emotion in my tone now. "That isn't true and you know it." Scruffy huffed, looking at me with a stern, serious gaze, "This isn't all your fault. We are all to blame for our mistakes and we've all gotten through it together. We are all still here and kicking. Look at all the good that we've done, Rebecca, look at all the happy times we've had together in this manor so far." I knew that he was trying to make me feel better, but I couldn't bring myself to think about these times.