Metamorphose [7]

Chapter 3: Foolish Ideas

It took me a few minutes, but after enough soothing words and nuzzles from Scruffy, I finally got calmed down and he sat down beside me on the couch as I hugged my knees close to my chest as I stared at the empty fireplace in front of us for what seemed like hours, but were only mere minutes and seconds. "Do you know how much control I have over this world, Scruffy?" I mentioned to him with a flat tone of voice, sounding dead inside and just lost for any emotion now, "Being the creator of this land and the creatures inside of it, do you realize what I could have done all those times when we went through hell and back?" The small brown-furred dog beside me was quiet for a second or two before replying. "I believe that it would be wise for someone to not be truly conscious of all the power that they have in their world - it could lead to dangerous decisions. For example, a simple human in the real world has the power to kill anyone they want at any given time and those people become crazy, like serial killers and such. You aren't like that, but my point is that you do have a lot of power and much else when it comes to the Feral Plains, but you have to realize that some power is not meant to be used." Scruffy gave another soft shake of his head, "Maybe I am just putting too much thought into this though." I looked at him for a moment before looking down at my feet as my hands curled into fists. "Do you realize what I could do, Scruffy? I could go back and change everything. I could go back and save our family from Joseph and Tom. I could save Robin and Morph, changed them and made sure they didn't have to die like they did. I never thought about it before, it is actually so simple. I could rewrite history if I wanted to. Beck wouldn't have had to destroy his life with drinking and Amber wouldn't have to have gone through such torture by Diz. I could make Ryuu a human and you a human as well." I said, an unknown emotion in my voice as I said this, "I could change things for the better and make sure that nobody got hurt. Those creatures didn't have to die, Scruffy, I could give them a life again. I could change and everyone would see it as normal.." As I trailed off once more into deep thought, I smiled for a few seconds before looking at the canine who sat beside me, who wore a look of disgust and surprise that took me off guard. "Do you even realize what you are saying, Rebecca? Are you willing to go that far? Are you that scared of changing that you are going to rewrite all of our past together?" I opened my mouth to speak, but he seemed irritated at the words that I said and immediately continued, "You want to rewrite Beck's past with alcohol, but do you realize because of that part of him, that was what brought Henry to him? If you changed him, you would alter their relationship now. You want to make Ryuu a human, yet you realize that is the reason that Sebastian and him grew close? Because nobody else would dare get close to a ghoul, but Sebastian wasn't scared. By changing that, you change their relationship. I could care less that I'm not a human, I got my chance at the dance and I am satisfied enough of the outcome to dance with the girl of my dreams." He barked at me now, even sounding angry, "How could you even think of such a thing?" The canine gave me a chance to speak and I frowned. "I.. I had a dream about Robin.." I started, but then he interrupted me once more. "That reminds me. You think that it was Tom and Joseph who made them that way? No! Robin and Morph were bad creatures that wanted to hurt us - kill us even and they could not be saved. They are corrupt and they used our past with the humans to make it look like they weren't evil inside." He snapped, "How can you listen to Robin's words, even if it was a dream - she hurt us. You cannot believe the ideas she puts into your head, Rebecca."

All those things that Scruffy said shook me to the core and made me grow silent. I had never heard him snap at me, but it seemed to be the only thing that truly snapped me from this daze of ideas of restarting everything - he was right. "You are right, Scruffy." I finally said, my tone softened, "All of our bad times have led us to the good times - right?" He nodded to this, his short tail wagging slightly behind him now, "Yes, and I'm sorry for yelling at you. I don't mean to, but I don't want Robin to get in your head again like last time. It only leads to bad things and I want there to be more good times, which brings me to my next rant that you will listen to." He cleared his throat, which obviously was a little sore after all that barking just now, but nonetheless, I listened to him at full attention. "Why are you so afraid of changing your gender? I know that you want to become a male. Beck and Henry know that too, yet you act so scared about it - like we won't accept you when it finally happens. If it makes you happier, then I say that you should let it happen. Be who you want to be. The people out in the real world are tough on you, I know that, but it isn't like that here. We're family, not by blood, but by our experiences and memories that we have made together. We're here for you and I've always supported you. I've seen the sketches that you make of your masculine form and I think it looks great! You don't feel comfortable being a girl anymore, that's the truth and I see how happy you are when drawing yourself as a male. This isn't much of a rant, but please, don't be afraid. You aren't going to scare any of us away." I was touched by all these words now, seeing how supportive and happy Scruffy was about my whole troubling change of gender situation, but I could only give a sigh. "It's you or Beck and Henry that I'm worried about," I began, looking up at the ceiling, "I've lost every single person that I have ever loved because of who I am - Tom, Joseph, Austin, even Henry in a certain way. Hyde is the only person that loves me for who I am now. I don't want to lose him, Scruff, but I'm afraid if I go through with this whole changing thing, that he won't love me anymore." Scruffy sighed from the spot next to me, looking up at my face for a moment. "Well, if he leaves you because you are going through with something that makes you happy - does he truly love you? You cannot keep yourself from doing the things that will help your life just because of one guy, Rebecca. You held yourself back through your relationship with Tom and Joseph because you wanted to make them happy, but what about you? What about what makes you happy? Shouldn't you put that first - or at least second? You need to care about yourself more." He remarked, "I know that you're scared about all this, but besides all that, I think you need to give him a chance. Hyde is a really nice guy, he's changed since when he first joined our family and he cares about you - not just because of your looks. He respects you for all that you've gone through and even you know that. I bet he'd say the same thing if he was here right now." Scruffy rested a gentle paw on my leg, "I'm not forcing you to do anything, but I want you to do what makes you happy and not worry so much about everything. You stress yourself out over getting a job and going to college someday. Heck, you're even worried about going to school again tomorrow, I know you are. This isn't something that should be on that big platter of worries you have."

After a moment of thinking about all of this, I gave another nod with a small smile now resting on my face. "Alright, I'll try to sort things out soon," I said and that made the brown-furred canine smile back at me with a happily wagging tail behind him. "Excellent. Shall we head back to everyone at the breakfast table?" Scruffy said with a tilt of his head, "Or do you wanna stay here for a few more minutes?" I leaned back on the couch for a moment, giving a gentle exhale of breath as I looked up at the ceiling with a calmed expression now resting on my face. "You can go back to the others, I'll be back in a minute or so. I just want a little time to myself now if you don't mind, thank you." I mentioned and the dog nodded. "Okay then, I'll leave you alone now to think. I'll make sure to tell everyone that you are doing okay and will be with us soon. Love you, never forget that, dingus." With that, Scruffy hopped off the couch without a further conversation between the two of us as he left me to my own personal thoughts for the last few minutes that I had before I would decide to join them in the dining room again for the rest of breakfast. Scruffy's ears twitched quietly as he turned down the hallway and immediately caught sight of the tip of a tail disappearing around a corner that made him frown as he silently raced down the hallway, quiet enough so that I would not know what was happening. The small canine raced down the long carpeted hallway, going as fast as he could manage on his tiny paws as he rounded the corner to spot Beck, Henry, and Hyde walking back to the dining room in silence in their feral forms. Scruffy wasn't an idiot though and raced past them, making the three males halt in their tracks as he stopped in front of them, growling slightly. "You three were eavesdropping, weren't you?" The small dog barked at them in a hushed tone in order to not make a scene, "How much did you hear, huh?" Henry scratched the back of his head with one paw, giving a nervous laugh. "Hey now, we didn't hear anything. We just wanted to see where Rebecca and you ran off to in such a hurry to make sure everything was okay." The raven-furred wolf said and Beck rolled his eyes, giving his mate a small whack with the tip of his tail, which made Henry jump slightly as his ears laid flat against his head. "Henry and Hyde ran off to eavesdrop a little while after you both left and I came after them to bring them back to the table to give you two some privacy." The mountain lion huffed and Scruffy nodded, believing the feline-hybrid more than Henry. "I could care less about what you two heard in that conversation." The small dog said as he looked at Hyde with a glare, "But how much did you hear, huh? After Rebecca told you to stay put, don't you have a sense of privacy for your own girlfriend?" Hyde's ears twitched as he frowned, looking away from Scruffy now. "I was worried about her, she has been acting off these past couple days and I wanted to know what was going on - can you honestly blame me? Besides, I didn't get to hear much of it anyway, so calm down." The small canine gave a frustrated sigh and shook his head. "Whatever. I don't care what you heard anymore. I'm going to do Rebecca a favor now. Take a look at her Twitter account sometime and you'll learn a thing or two about why she has been so off lately. Beck, Henry and I know about it, but I believe you should know about it as well. She's been terrified of it about awhile, telling you about it, that is."