Metamorphose [7]

Chapter 6: The Truth

"Why do you hide so much from me?" He finally said, sounding almost hurt now, "We've been through so much, more than anyone else in this family and yet you still don't seem to trust me these days. I had to learn about this side of you from Scruffy, I otherwise wouldn't have known about it. You never cared to tell me. By what I heard from Scruffy, it seems to mean a lot to you. Don't I mean a lot to you as well?" All these questions, all these painfully toned words from me made me close my eyes and regret my decision to even leave my bed on this night, but of course, I would have to deal with my mistakes - one way or another. I could already feel myself almost wanting to cry again, but I refused to let him, Hyde, see me cry like some helpless baby. "Don't you understand anything after all the years that you've been with me?" I said to the raven-haired male, "People don't like change. Tom, Joseph, Austin, even Henry, I've lost because of my own personality. You are the only person to love me for me, appearance and all. If I were to change so much about myself, I would lose you just like the other lovers that I have grown so close to and I refuse to lose you, Hyde. Alright? You, throughout my own life, have been there the most and these days, life is getting really tough. Yes, I have my friends like Cody, Alex, Kaiba and even Quinn - but I cannot lose you. You support me, you constantly have faith and respect in me and sometimes, that is the only thing keeping me from just ending it all when I wish to escape the pain from the human world. If you were gone, even if everyone else was still here, I don't think I would survive." I felt tears welling up in my eyes once again and I fought not to curse myself out because of such things now, "Even if I have to give up my dreams to keep you, then that is the sacrifice I shall make to keep you as the love and co-leader of the manor. I cannot be alone again, Hyde, I cannot handle the pain of feeling so alone in this world - any world for that matter. Goddamnit, please, I don't want you to see me cry and be a fucking baby. I'm sorry." I did not know why or what I was even saying anymore, there was too much emotion and so much fear within my heart now. He didn't say anything or do anything once again for a long time, but then, out of nowhere, he abruptly yanked me back towards him, embracing me in his arms and holding me against him now. "You really are a stupid person sometimes." He muttered under his breath, "How many times must I tell you that I am not like them. I am not as sick and twisted as those human men that love seemed to blind you about long ago. Austin, Joseph, Tom - all which are fools. I promised, a long time ago, that I would protect you as much as I could and that I would always be there for you - no matter what happens. I love you, more than anyone else ever could. Even more than Scruffy and Beck, your own brother. I'm never going to leave you, don't you get that? I am going to be there for you and show you the love you deserve until the day that you leave both of these worlds and join Tobias in the afterlife, because I know how much you miss him. He'll belong to you then, but for now, in this life, I belong to you. I am yours and you are mine - never forget that. I don't care if you are a male or a female, I'll love you in whatever form you choose. Sure Henry will tease me about it and whatever, but I don't fucking care. Your happiness is my happiness, don't give it up for anyone - even me. Please, Ryder, don't do that to me."

For the longest time, I didn't know how to respond to such passionate words from him. I was speechless once more and I felt stupid for being like this. In the end, not many tears escaped my eyes, only one or two at most, which I was glad for, being completely honest. "You've never been with a guy before though.." I mumbled, trying to weaken go against his words, being that questionable person that I was, but he simply nuzzled my neck. "True, but that guy will be you. I've never loved anyone else, except for you. I'll manage, don't worry about that." Hyde murmured against me, "Please don't run or hide from me. I don't want to lose you ever again." He was so open and supportive about this. It made me feel weird like there was some kind of catch involved down the road. I honestly just wanted to be with him for awhile now in the comforting warmth of our room now for some reason. "Can we go back to our bedroom? I'm getting cold standing out here in the hallway." I murmured and he nodded. "Let's go back to bed then and you can show me when you are ready." Without even putting any context into it, I knew exactly what he meant when he said it. He meant my male form - my human male form, to be more specific. I didn't say anything to that as we both slowly went back down the halls to my office in a blissful silence, hands intertwined. Hyde would occasionally brush my palm with his thumb in a soothing manner as I once again thought about all the future things that were in store for me. I didn't know whether to be excited or scared at this point, but before I could even determine that, we had already made it back to the office door that had our names in golden plates on the wooden frame. I would change my own in the near future and that had just occurred to me without a second thought. To be honest, after everything that had happened today, I just wanted to sleep once again and worry about all this tomorrow. Hyde simply squeezed my hand and opened the door for me, letting me be the first to go inside as I walked off to our bedroom, glancing back at him to make sure that he would follow. He, of course, did after silently shutting the door behind him. We walked back into our bedroom and I stopped for a few seconds, thinking about something for a long moment - which was about a full minute. "I have to go to the bathroom." I quietly remarked to the hellhound as I now headed off into the small bathroom that was on the other side of the room. Hyde just nodded and sat down on the bed, probably just awaiting my return. I shut the door behind me as I clicked the light on and stood in front of the sink and mirror, staring at the reflection staring right back at me. Was I actually doing this? Yes, I needed to do this. Well, I didn't need to. He did say when I was ready, but he was the only one I was truly scared of showing this side of me too. Now that he was okay with it, apparently, what was there holding me back now from trying out my brand-new human form? I already had it all thought out. Of course, unlike my feline form, I couldn't draw him, but that was because I couldn't draw any humans. That made me wonder. Would Quinn draw my male human form for me if I asked her? She did, after all, draw Beck in his human form once for me and he looked adorable. No, no, I was getting off topic and taking advantage of my dear friend's talent. I needed to stop doing that. I just needed to focus on myself - quite literally. With that decided, I slowly proceeded to shift into my new form, taking my time with the basics and making sure I got it all right. With the final outcome, the person staring back at me in the mirror was very different than who I once saw. I was still the same short height, of course, but I was skinnier and had a more masculine frame. I wasn't good at describing such. My hair was shorter, mixed with darkened brown and light tan. I liked that very much. I still kept my bi-colored eyes, liking to always keep that part of me, but that wasn't the unique feature of this new form. I turned and smiled at the long bushy tail that swayed behind me, creeping out from under my shirt. It was like my feline form's tail, but larger and just as soft with the tan swirls within the brownish colored fur, like my hair.

After standing there for a moment or two, admiring this new look, I glanced back at the door, knowing that I couldn't stay in this bathroom forever. I gave a low-toned sigh and walked over to the white painted door, opening it once more and switching off the light as I silently stepped outside into the bedroom. I was kinda glad that the room was dark except for some dim moonlight that shone through the window because I was still a shy person when it came to stuff like this. It was a complicated mess and I was a little embarrassed, but like Hyde had said, he was fully supportive and would love me throughout all of my life. I shook my head, realizing that I shouldn't think about this more than I already have and just treat this like a normal thing. Besides, I was starting to feel really tired again and I was ready to just pass out once again. When I fully left the bathroom now and actually was all in the bedroom now, the raven-haired male immediately seemed to hear me and turned his head, gazing at my form in slight surprise. My face turned slightly red, but I decided to just ignore his staring as I stepped over to the bed, my tail twitching behind me with each step that I took now. I pulled back the covers and laid down on my back, my tail resting against my side as peacefully as possible - I was still getting used to all this. I risked a glance over at Hyde again and saw him still staring at me in silence, which was starting to get on my nerves. "Stop that." I remarked at him, my tone coming off a bit deeper than usual like before, "You know how I feel about people looking directly at me.." I merely mumbled these last words and I heard him give a gentle chuckle as he laid down next to me on the bed. "Apologies, you just look very handsome." He said with a smirk that made me roll my eyes. "Yeah, right." I mumbled yet again. I was still self-conscious, even with this new form - nothing changed about my personality, of course, when I switched genders for good now. "No, I'm serious. You look awesome." Hyde said with seriousness as he rested his forehead against my own, smiling warmly at me now, "I love you, Rye." His loving words made me blush even more, not used to seeing him so sweet to me, especially in this position and form. It was nice though, I had to admit that with full honesty. I gave another soft sigh. "I love you too, Hye." I mentioned, which made the taller male just chuckle as he wrapped his arms around me, holding my body close to his like it was no different than before. I could feel his warm breath on my neck as he placed a gentle kiss there, making me shudder slightly from the simplest touch. It seems that I was still a little sensitive in this new form, which was expected. A light yawn slipped from me as I now closed my eyes and rested my head against his clothed chest, wanting to sleep now, like I had originally gone to do. "See? I told you it would get better." Hyde whispered, placing another kiss on the center of my forehead as he too closed his eyes. We both seemed to be at peace with one another after all that drama and emotion, which gave me somewhat hope for a positive future where I did not have to worry about so much after all, but I knew deep down, that there were still more troubles ahead in my life. I would cross that difficult bridge when I got there though - and I wouldn't be doing it alone either. After what my boyfriend had said, he would be there beside me the entire way and this soothed my anxious mind as I drifted to slumber.