The Girl With Tattoos • Original Version

The Girl With Tattoos (36)

I listened to the sirens of the police and ambulances outside his house as we both sat in a comfortable silence through the phone. I was pretty sure Dustin wasn't awake yet and Bann was still trying to gather himself together. 20 minutes later of sitting on my bed and hearing the anxious voices through the call, I finally gave in and let the boredom of doing nothing surround me. It was almost 3 am on a Wednesday and I was supposed to be in school in 3 hours, which might not even happen. I guess I can afford some more absences.

Just as I was getting used to the quiet, Bann's soft voice echoed through.

At first, he just sighed heavily and I thought he was just clearing his thoughts, but no. "I have to go. They want me to be questioned. I won't be at school today, obviously, so just tell the boys I'm sick and don't wanna be bothered."

"What if they see what happened on the news and catch on since your mom won't be here too?"

He sighed again and seconds passed of me just listening to his breathing.

"Bann, you can't hide it forever. They're your frie-"

"And? Don't tell them," the aggravation in his tone caught me off guard and I couldn't think of something to say. "I knew I shouldn't of called someone."

And he hung up. The air and the sirens left my ears and left me standing in the middle of the room with the dead phone still put to my head.

I was defeated with the sudden realization of no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop everything myself. I was just a girl and thinking I can protect everyone was selfish.

Even if I gave all my strength, I would never have a 'normal' life. It was practically impossible. Who knew being forced into a life of crime and darkness could drastically change your life for the worst? Complete 180.

That little girl who baked cookies with her mother and snuggled with her teddy beat at night to fall asleep has been sleeping for years and I might just have to put her down. Like a person in a coma; after a while, it's practically torture. Trapped away in your head with nothing to do but sit there on life support waiting to wake up. Sometimes they don't get lucky and the only way to keep your humanity is to pull the plug.

That's exactly what I was going to do. After years of innocent Gracie being tucked away in a forgotten part of my mind, I was going to finally the plug on my past.

Maybe it will help me sleep at night.

✦✧✦

I sat in my bed for 2 hours straight, or more accurately, up until I needed to get up and head to school. I knew keeping a major secret from Bann's best friends was going to be literal hell. I even thought about ditching myself just so I can lay in bed all day and think, just think. But the thought of becoming even more selfish and only caring for my well being made me gag.

In the middle of changing into a long-sleeved striped shirt and black skinny jeans, my phone blew up with like 1000 texts from the group chat. I've debated leaving it once or twice because for one, they talk about the weirdest shit and two, they always decide to speak about it at the most annoying times of when I'm preoccupied. It was like they knew when I was sleeping or taking a shower or even just heating up some damn spaghetti because every time I'm doing any of these they decide, hey, let's talk about whether or not penguins have fucking knees.

Sucking in a deep breath when my phone finally stopped vibrating across the dresser, I tucked the shirt into my pants, did something random to my hair to make it seem like I tried, grabbed my phone and bounced down the stairs with a sudden burst of energy.