Bad Boys

14.

Thanks to uncle Tommy I had a small job in his diner, he owned it but barely. He had a guy who stood in for him when he was too drunk or drugged up to make it. It was twenty-four hours, which meant it was my new home. I would have some nights off and even then I would sit in the back corner with a coffee to keep me awake, I never liked to sleep.

Some girls would come in and try to talk to me but I'd always shrug them off, it scared me to know what I could do to them if they so much as cared for me. I was afraid.

Afraid of myself. Afraid of falling again.

I met one girl though, she was not sure of me at first but eventually came around. Her smile was like no other and it surprised me that I was fortunate to see her smile, I mean who would smile for me? Her eyes were brown, like warm swirls of chocolate, her hair was cut short and I liked it. May. That was her name, May. Short but sweet, pretty. She wasn't like Sylvie, she was quiet and down to earth. I avoided talking about my past, she didn't ask but I could tell she was curious..I just didn't want to ruin it with her so quick. I didn't want to trap her in, make her fall in love before telling her all about me I just didn't want to do it yet. I wanted to take advantage of what little we had before she would run in fear of me, of what I had done, of what I was capable of.

She was too nice, too delicate.

May.

My May.

She listened to me, she wasn't in it for herself she was in it to find love. Love that I had but didn't want to give it to her before revealing myself to her.

I told her eventually, I had to after all.

Her smile faltered but she shown no fear. It was like she already knew, already understood. She never asked no questions or ran like I had expected. She just took me into her arms and hugged me for as long as necessary to calm my heart beat. I was shit scared of her in that moment.

She told me. "I don't fear you, that was you before me. Everybody is capable of change, it's just whether they decide to accept it or not. Accept it Phoenix."

I suppose that's what my story is. I'm not a bad guy, I never have been. I was just mistaken. I never smoked, I hardly ever cursed, I had a perfect little family that cared about me. It was a girl, just a girl that turned me into the man I was to be for the rest of my life. It seems the more you try not to become what you don't want to be the quicker you become exactly that. An asshole, careless, abusive and stupid.

All thanks to a girl named Sylvie.

I hope you're happy Sylvie. I hope you're really fucking happy. Because finally, after meeting you, I am.

The End