The Rainbow (Frerard) [underwater_sky]

December- The Garden State (Part Five)

            Gerard began spending a lot more time with Vivian after that night. He said it was for an art show that she was going to prepare for him, but I knew a lot of it was fuelled by the outburst from Cassandra. If he couldn't make up for the lost time over those years and the trust that was ruined, he would have to start again. He was a stranger and the only way to eradicate that notion was through exposure. He began to leave our place right after dinner so Vivian would not be distracted during her teaching, and would spend his time there until one of them caved and absolutely had to go to bed. He would often stumble inside at nearly midnight and crawl into bed with me with his clothing still on. After the first dinner, I declined on going again. I had gotten all that I needed to when I went, and I knew that Cassandra had no need for my company. At least, not until after the recital when she would have more definitive details about her relationship to share. I told Vivian I would come by after that date, but without alluding to why. "Just want to ask her how it went, so let me know when it's all over," I told her, and though Vivian glanced at me sceptically, she did not question my decision. She was too busy planning a show and rebuilding a relationship that had spanned more than my entire life.

            I was relieved for some time by myself. I spent a lot of it looking into some job enquiries to keep myself productive until I had the chance to meet with Jasmine and get the hard copy of the assignment she had. The night that she came over, Gerard also had a busy art day. He went by in the afternoon this time, right after he and I had our morning routine together: coffee, breakfast, and, of course, sex. We stopped having sex at night because Gerard said it woke him up too much, and he was too drained after a long evening of creating and planning with Vivian. We swapped out schedules so we could still appreciate one another and then go on with our days, fully awake. It definitely was better than coffee, at least, for me and even as I pored over the classified ads, the impending responsibility never became too much, because the faint touches from Gerard were still in the back of my mind. As Gerard did up his shirt and debated in the bathroom mirror whether or not he wanted to shave before he left this morning, he told me with the bathroom door wide open, that he would most likely be at Vivian's all night.

            "It's the final touches, right now," is all he divulged, and I didn't want to pry. He liked keeping his art secret sometimes; it felt more important when he unveiled it. I nodded and told him I was excited to see it all when it was done, and then came into the bathroom with him and started my own morning routines. While I decided to shave, Gerard did not, and began to pack the rest of his stuff as I let the razor go over my neck where his lips had been before we departed from one another.

            It was also going to be easier with him at Vivian's overnight, I thought to myself. Since our bed was still in the middle of the living room with no signs of changing, I didn't want Jasmine to feel uncomfortable when Gerard came back to sleep when she and I were still together. I wanted the two best people in my life to spend time together, and at the dinner they seemed to get along, but it was probably best if this night it was just Jasmine and myself. She had been somewhat on edge and resistant to the idea of dinner with the two of us before the hard copy assignment gave it more validity. We needed to catch up, and if we needed to use work as a guise for the time being, I was okay with that, and I knew it would be a lot easier to keep this going when a third party was not involved.

            I didn't want to admit it to myself fully, but I also just wanted to see Jasmine. Alone. I didn't know what that would entail exactly, and I forbid my mind from wandering. Maybe we would just eat dinner, talk about work, and that would be it. We would go back to being good, but somewhat distant, friends. I was really fine with that. I just needed her in my life and I wanted to be a part of hers again. The amount of change that she had gone through while I was in Paris had alarmed me, especially when I had perceived her as stable for the entire seven years before then. I didn't want to miss anything ever again.