The Rainbow (Frerard) [underwater_sky]

December- The Garden State (Part Six)

            I heard small noises as I woke up, almost a swarming or the coming of an even larger storm. I heard metal clink up against something, and in my half-conscious haze I wondered if the storm was getting much worse. I turned over on my side to see if Jasmine was still around, but I grasped nothing in the bed. We had lain next to one another when we were done before, still naked, and I had fallen asleep again afterwards. I took for granted that she had as well, and when I found a balled up sheet beside me, it felt as if my stomach had fallen through. In the past four months, I had always had someone in my bed with me. I remembered, in that instant, just how awful I felt being alone some mornings.

            I heard small footsteps from the bathroom and then into the kitchen, and I turned on my other side to put the rest of the scene together. The sun was coming through the large balcony windows, lighting up the entire apartment. Jasmine was fully dressed in what she had been wearing the night before and her hair was combed behind her and tied back at the nape of her neck in a loose ponytail. She had plugged the kettle in and the noise from before had been the water as it was gradually warming up. The microwave beeped as well, and she rushed over to it to grab its contents before the buzzers became too bold.

            She took her food out and then sent a glance cautiously to the bed to see if I was awake. I was sitting up now, the blankets still on my lower half. I ran my hands through my hair and looked at her through my fingers. I was still waking up slowly, and I was also unsure how this morning interaction would go.

            "Sorry I woke you," Jasmine apologized, her face twisted into a sincere grimace. She took her meal to the table and then sat down and began to pick through it with a fork. I shook my head and then slipped my boxers over my legs under the covers and found my t-shirt to put back on. I headed over to the kitchen to see her (and say what? I had no idea) but there was a tension and a force field I was entering into. It was more than just the noises from the microwave and the kettle, although the kettle was getting louder now, too. Before I had a chance to sit down and even really utter a good morning to her, or explain that no, she really hadn't awakened me, she dashed up and attended to the kettle. She poured water into a travel mug and my heart fell, realizing she planned on leaving soon.

            "I thought you said you don't have to work today?" I asked her.

            She sighed, and then, ignoring the question, held up the kettle to ask if I wanted some of my own. I nodded, just to have something of hers. She gave me a normal mug, destining me to stay stationary.

            "Sorry I ate the leftovers," she apologized again. "There is a little left, but not as much as I wanted to give you guys. I figured you and Gerard could have it for lunch today, but then this happened. The snow, I mean. There's nothing in your place that will really make a good breakfast for me - other than this. It feels cheap, eating the gift, but there is still enough for you." She was nervous, and went to fiddle with her necklace like she always did, but her hand grabbed nothing, and she settled her hand over her mug as steam rose between her fingers. "It's past lunch time, anyway, so I doubt that Gerard is really hard up for food right now. He and Vivian are probably having a laugh."

            I nodded. I held my tea in my hand and though my stomach was empty and I was really hungry, I didn't want to get up and turn my back. "Just because it's afternoon doesn't mean you have to go."

            She gave me a weak smile and then poked through the rest of her meal. She was halfway done, now, and slowing down. We both got really quiet and for a moment I wasn't even sure if she was going to answer me. There was something she wanted to say, something at the back of her mind, but her mind was a stronger force than anything else on Jasmine, and she was good at ignoring things by now. Her lips pursed, then were relaxed again, as if a shock had gone through her body and then passed.