The Rainbow (Frerard) [underwater_sky]

February- Giants (Part Two)

            Gerard had not sold all his paintings, but enough for an encouraging start. The rest were going to stay on public display for the rest of February, and hopefully, by the end, they would all be gone. Now was the awkward period. We had been working so hard for so long, it felt unusual to take a step back and relinquish control. We had small tasks to wade through, but for the most part, we were just waiting to see what happened. We all had a good feeling about the show and Gerard's work, and we had been given sufficient approval so far. But it was such a slippery slope in such a tricky business that nothing was certain. Vivian told us to not get too excited, and to stay right where we were. "Don't move out if you're just going to need to move back in again," she told us, and I had been surprised. Once we started making any kind of money, I thought she would kick us out and tell us that the free ride was over. "Give me some money, and hell, I'll start charging you rent or grocery money soon, but don't move out. Things are too uncertain right now."

            We did start giving her some money here and there. We thought it best not to decide on a set amount. She was taking commissions from some of our work since she had organized most of it, but that would have happened regardless of other extenuating circumstances. There was also the fact that, as Vivian reminded me again and again, that although the appearance of fame and credibly were occurring, it didn't mean the bills were equating with that. We were still just breaking even on a lot of days and Gerard was happy he wasn't going into debt. So we gave Vivian money here and there as time went on, and she was neither elated nor despondent with receiving or not receiving it. She understood how things went, and during a particularly dry spell, we promised to pay her in household chores. She laughed it away and told us not to worry, but she did not stop me from cleaning her entire first floor on more than one night when I didn't have to work. In spite of some complaining, I believed she liked having us around. Vivian's complaining was more like gentle teasing, and it was never about money. It was a sacred subject to artists and friends. It was difficult, messy, and not always around. But we were here, and so was Vivian and her daughter, and we were all getting to know one another on another level. I liked being there. It was nice to have a house full of people again, and people that loved one another. Whenever I was busy, that didn't mean Gerard had to be alone, and vice versa. Cassandra and I continued to bond; Vivian and I got closer as well. I sort of had to get close to her when we had been spending ten hours and more together to get ready for the show. But even when the pressures weren't on us, we still gravitated towards one another. She kept urging me to do a photography show and kept trying to organize a dark room for me, but I declined. I was feeling okay in my position in-between worlds right then.

            I was in-between worlds with my other job, too. The night shifts at the drug store were coming up with more frequency and I had adjusted myself to my new life there. 'Adjusted' may not be the right word. I seemed to change my opinion of the job every other shift I worked. I liked Mel Gleeson as a manager and he was an all right person to work for; the discounts were also a perk. When Mel was around, the job was easier because his demeanor seemed to overtake the store. But working night shift meant that the family business became inverted, and it was people who had no family and simply needed the money working. I was the only stock boy then, there was a different manager for the back and not Gary, and there were only two cashiers. The pharmacy was closed, although it opened at six in the morning, two hours before I finished my shift. I would get there at eleven-thirty most nights, change in the back, and clock in by twelve and leave at eight every morning. Sometimes I'd get to go at seven if it was a slow night, and those mornings, I walked home while it was still dark. The traffic lights changing from red to green and streetlamps arching over me became my replacement stars. It was usually freezing at this time of night and I had to start wearing a parka, plus mittens, which I had not done since the second grade. The walk to Vivian's place wasn't much, but in winter, everything felt like it was on the other side of the world. It was a journey into the unknown some mornings, frost everywhere and trees covered in snow, looming over me and threatening to fall. My eyes would often play tricks on me, and each time I walked past the memorial park, I swear I saw my own shadow in the darkness.