Bringing Back Hallie

Bringing Back Hallie: Chapter Ten

I'm absolutely dreading the next time that I come face-to-face with Ethan Crest. Dreading it. It could have been worse, I know it could have; I could have thrown up on him, thrown up at all actually, or I could have done something even more mortifying than pouting because he didn't kiss me. I could have kissed him despite his wishes; I could have begged him for sex and told him that I was a pitiful virgin. 

But I didn't do any of those things, thank God. That could have made the embarrassment that's been keeping me from leaving my room even more worse. It could have made it panic-attack inducing.  

Still, though, I'm absolutely mortified. I took my first healthy friendship, my first friend who actually went out of their way to do nice things for me, and I ruined it. I ruined it by acting like some sloppy drunk. I may have been drunk when I said all of those things last night, but I remember pretty much all of it, I think. I've only ever blacked out memories once, and that's an event I really don't like revisiting. 

I remember hugging him and telling him that he was comfy, thinking blissfully that he was going to kiss me and then feeling angry and upset when he didn't. I remember all of these painfully humiliating things, and it's horrible. I honestly think this is the first time I truly regret drinking. I don't regret drinking the night of the crash, I just regret being stupid enough to get in the car with a drunk driver. I had fun that night. 

I've had fun all of those nights, felt like a different and better person all of those nights. 

But not last night. I feel dirty even though I've already taken my shower. I feel gross and grimy and all of these nasty things even though I'm not. And when it all comes down to it, I feel these things because I made myself look bad in front of Ethan. He's the only person in the world, I honestly believe, who doesn't see me as some quiet letdown because of who my dad is. He doesn't think that I should be this huge charismatic person, and that it's not a bad thing. He doesn't try to get me drunk so that I'm more fun like my other friends. He likes me for the sober me, something I've probably only felt once or twice in my life. 

And I ruined that.  

Because I was bored and wanted to impress Jeanie. 

I'm absolutely pathetic. 

I am startled out of my thoughts when Darko starts licking away at my face, making me giggle even though I find it pretty gross. "You nasty little thing," I say fondly, reaching over on my side so that I can pluck him off of my pillow and pull him onto my chest. He immediately circles around once I'm flat on my back and he's sturdy, going around three times before he finds a position he likes. He immediately puts his head into his front legs and falls right to sleep. 

I wish it was that easy. 

XXXXXXX 

Once again, I'm forced to go downstairs by the rumbling of my stomach. I'm pretty surprised that my hunger managed to stay in the shadows for a good part of the day, it being a little after dinner time right now. But now that it's here, it's in full force, and by the time I'm in the, thankfully, empty kitchen, I feel like my stomach's about to cave in on itself.  

I immediately head towards the pantry and pull out a box of cookies to last me for while I cook a nice big pot of macaroni and cheese. I plop myself down on a bar stool once the noodles have been added into the boiling water, and munch away on the sweet treats, knowing that I'll regret it in the morning when my stomach's slightly puffier than normal. 

The sound of the front door shutting rooms away snaps me out of my good, solitary mood. What if that's Ethan and he feels like it's a good time for a nighttime snack? Granted he usually has his snacks closer to midnight-we've bonded pretty well during out mutual nighttime snack splurges-but still. What if fate has it out for me tonight and he's hungry now?