The letter | A Bensler FanFic

Love story

It said: "Dear Noah, my son. This is a letter that I want you to keep forever and that hopefully will teach not to make the same mistakes I did throughout my life. I will tell you a story and you will learn some things that I have kept from you many, many years. Please don't be mad at me, I never meant to hurt you, all I ever want was to protect you. This also contains my last will, please try to make it happen. From this story, one thing I hope you take with you, don't fear love. I will tell you about the love of my life, about someone who was my best friend, my confident, my partner. I met him in '98, year I joined the SVU as a detective and he was my partner for almost 13 years. I would trust him with anything and I loved him. He was married, had 5 kids. Then, there was a shooting in the precinct and he left. I only heard from him again, more a less 7 years later. And it all began with a dream:

I had been having some very difficult days, you were sick and didn't sleep and I was working a particularly difficult case, a guy who we had locked up when we were partners had escaped and all I wanted was to call Elliot and ask him for help but I knew better than that, he would hang up on me. I knew it. So, when I was more desperate than anything, I went to my bedroom and searched in my nightstand for his badge and I hugged it. Then you cried and I tried to forget about him but I couldn't. He was all I could think about. I dreamed with him that night and woke up confused until I saw his badge. If he was still in my life we would know each other for 19 years at the time and I was feeling nostalgic. You weren't getting any better so I took you to the hospital and there was the place where the first weird thing happened in that month. You always hated hospitals and when I was checking you in at the ER you ran away. I ran after you and asked the people to hold you. Someone did and when I turned my face up to thank that person, I saw him. It was him. Elliot Stabler had picked you up. We both looked like we had seen a ghost, he handed you to me and I mumbled a thank you while he pointed at Eli, as if he was justifying why he was there. I was frozen and didn't know what to say. Thankfully the nurse called "Noah Benson" and I almost ran out of there, leaving Elliot behind. As I came to figure out you had only a cold and were going to be ok. I paid and was about to leave when they called "Elliot Stabler Jr." and I just ran out of there with you. I wasn't ready to see him again. Some days later you were all better so I took you to school before work. When I arrived at the precinct we had a case and I made everyone do their jobs. You don't care details but I didn't see you for 3 days, the case was hell. When I was driving home, the other weird thing happened, I was in a car crash and when I got out of the car, the person who came and asked if I was ok was him. I was in shock. I hadn't seen the son of a bitch in years and suddenly I had seen him twice in a month. I remember I was always sceptic but I wondered if it was faith trying to set us up. That night I fell asleep holding his badge once more...

Nights came and went by and I was never able to sleep the same way as before, now I knew that something was missing, a feeling that I had learned how to deal with when El left but that I started feeling again because, when I saw him in that ER, it felt like I had been broken for years and that suddenly I was ok, I was put together, I was truly happy and when we didn't say a word the emptiness came back, breaking me apart. I tried to get distracted of this fact by working, I had my friends at work and work was my life. I would hang out with Barba, my favorite lawyer, until he left for that pro-bono case in Colorado. But I would still see relationships grow in that office and feel alone. And it was around that time that I met him for the 3rd time. I was just walking down the street to get coffee and I fell. In that moment two people rushed at me and I remember like it was yesterday how his face looked and how I felt, I knew it was love. And Noah, my baby, one thing I want you to know is what love feels like. You expect me to write a sweet definition? I won't. Because if you feel love you will know it, it feels different than anything else in this world. Please embrace it when you feel it. Well, I was saying, the way he looked at me that day, made me realize how much I missed that man in my life. Everyone had always teased me about it, saying that we were in love and everything but we were more than that. We were best friends and even if it hurt me to say it, I needed him in my life. So, I asked him out for coffee, and the best year of my life began."