The letter | A Bensler FanFic

How long is forever?

Noah put the letter away and looked at it, well aware of the fact that he had his mother's soul written in that piece of paper. For some reason he kept reading the love part, as if in any way he could relate, even being single and thinking he didn't love anyone. In the moment, something made him turn his head. Anna was walking down the same haul he had, with the difference that it seemed easy for her. She was walking the worst part of an hospital looking amazing, sweatshirt, jeans and all-star and her natural red hair up in a ponytail. She hugged him, sat by his side and said, "I will be here until you no longer need me, understood?". She always read him better than anyone else, she knew him better than he knew each other,  and he knew she knew everything he was feeling. Even if he looked tough and emotionless to anyone who tried to fight him, she knew he was more than that. So, he gave her the papers and let her read the first past of the story, he shared everything with her. Some time went by until the doctor showed up, bringing the worst news he could ever hear, "We don't think she will make it more than a month, and she can't leave the hospital in that time. I'm sorry". In the moment, his whole world collapsed and he fell on Anna's shoulder, avoiding tears all night. He wanted to ask why, to fight the universe, but he also felt like he couldn't handle the answer, so he decided to dedicate his time reading his mom's letter, he needed answers and Olivia needed to give them to him, even if he couldn't see her yet. So, when Anna left to get them breakfast in the morning, he opened those paper sheets and resumed his reading:

"Over coffee we talked about life, we discussed his divorce and your existence, we talked life until he asked me about one of the worst moments of my life. Noah, I never told you this, and I hadn't told him either but I told him then and I will tell you now. But, before I could start to tell him, we made a promise, that no matter how bad something was, we had each other and we would trust everything to the other, because we would be able to get through everything together. One year later I broke that promise and I regret it to this day, but each thing its time. After the promise, I told him, I told him about William Lewis. You don't know much about him but he was a perp who kidnapped me and tried to break me inside. Elliot had asked if he had actually done it and I told him, I told him he hadn't. Noah, so that you know, during those days Lewis had me, I felt more than horrible, he managed totear me appart, and all I could think about was him, I needed him. But I forgave him already for not coming and I hope you do the same. I cried while telling him my story, I cried out of the weakness of the moment and of the need I had had towards that man, and we got it out of the way. I trusted him with my deepest secret and we could move on, because he knew who I was and he trusted me with his. That is rule number one, trust and you can only trust someone if you know who that someone is. Well, carrying on. That conversation continued as we went back to my house and still kept going through 2 bottles of wine. By then, honesty was something that neither of us had lack of. We ended up falling asleep on the couch, arms and legs tangled, but happy because no matter how many years would go by, that man was family to me, he was a friend, my best friend, and every second with him seemed to make my life easier and happier, We woke up hangover but happy. He hadn't said anything about leaving me for 7 years but I didn't seem to care. As a matter of fact he never did but I was too happy for having him back to care about what made him go away, I just wanted him to never leave me again."

Noah was falling asleep on the chair so Anna picked the letter, put it in his pocket, and covered him with a jacket before herself cuddling in the chairs and falling asleep. It was 4:16 am and she had no intention of leaving him what so ever. They both woke up to the sound of the morning round of the nurses, startled and confused but Noah immediately realized where they were, the smell of hospitals made him sick. While Anna went to get them some coffee and perhaps something to eat, Noah tried to find a doctor or a nurse to whom he could ask about his mother, unsuccessfully. After numerous attempts to get the main nurse of the floor to hang up the phone, Noah considered as failed that mission and sat down with Anna to drink some coffee. They talked about the letter and about where they thought it was headed and Anna got ready to go back to class, promising to bring notes back and to get them both some clean clothes. When she left, Noah dived back into the reading of that fascinating piece of his mother's life.

"We started to hang out every day, he would bring me coffee in the morning and pick you up from school. He was there for us all the time and it started to be clear to everyone around us that there was something more than a mere friendship, the way we talked, the way we touched, the way we looked at each other. Everyone knew that there was love, everyone but us. We were in December 2018, spent Christmas together and he was already a part of our family. Then, he invited me to go out with him on the New Year's Eve and I sent you to Amanda's house. She was spending it with Jesse and Carisi and there was where your tradition was born, you loved it. When the 10 seconds of the countdown reached the 0, we started the best year of my life in the best way possible, we were looking at each other, yelling the numbers, and when everyone else cheered to welcome 2019, we stared at each other and he, he pulled me over by the waist, kissing me deeply, lovingly. I had never kissed someone like that and I know this is too much information to you but I want you to realize that a kiss can tell you everything. We started dating two days later and he moved in a couple of weeks into January, everything moved fast, I know, but we were in love and it was forever, we knew it."