Feeling

Chapter 3 - Falling from heaven

Ben and I were getting along really well. I found out that he was also in a car accident, a car had exploded causing his passenger door to fly off, and the sound was so loud it deafened him in one ear, luckily his dad in the car with him was unharmed. I spent a lot of my classes talking to Ben and telling him about my family and my life, he kept telling me how well off I was, considering I had no siblings, and Ben has a younger sister and two older brothers. He used to tell me all the time how his life was a living hell.

I had made a lot of other friends too, but none of them as interesting as Ben, I guess in a way a felt something for him that was different to everyone else. Each day after Uni Ben would wheel me to where my dad would pick me up, who has now had to get night shifts in order to run me to University.

I only go in 3 days a week, Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. So I often looked for jobs on my days off, of course being in a wheelchair made that difficult.

Everything seemed perfect. I was getting stronger and able to go for walks with mum, we only went on short walks, that way if my arms got tired she offered to push me, I didn’t want her to do that for too long, but she didn’t seem to mind.

I often sat next my mum and told her about University and how good it is, when she was younger she couldn’t get a proper education because she would always get left behind as she couldn’t understand much at a young age. So she finds listening about my day quite interesting.

She absolutely loves to draw, so every Thursday at Uni I went to the art department and picked up an old colouring book for her to colour in.

After a few months of being at University my mum and I had gotten really close again, almost back to normal, and so I invited Ben round to meet her, he knew what to expect and was not at all surprised when my mum called him my boyfriend. I quickly corrected her and Ben sat down on the couch to watch the TV.

Things were finally becoming normal.

I thought I actually started to feel something special with Ben, me and him had a weird connection. When we were together my heart always raced, and even mum said she saw a new spark in me she hadn’t seen before.

I spent a lot time after University with Ben, we’d say we needed to do work but we’d end up just chatting. He also started to tech me sign language, and it’s so weird and wonderful. When I got things wrong he’d take my hands and help me do it. I always wondered if he felt the same spark that I did whenever we touched.

I was loving every moment of life, apart from rarely seeing my dad, I always made the most of our time together by asking about his work and telling him about Uni.

One day Ben and I were just chatting and he spoke softly to me.

“I actually really like you”

Hoping to heaven and back that it’s what I think it is I asked “What do you mean?”

“well” he replies quietly, looking around, “I wasn’t sure if you felt it too, but I feel like there’s a connection between us”

I couldn’t believe my ears, I couldn’t believe them more when the horn to my dads car sounded, meaning I had to go. Ben swiftly kissed me on the cheek, smiled and wheeled me to the car, before walking away. I had never been so happy.

Of course this was too good to be true.

After that day, for some reason, Ben stopped showing up at University, and I didn’t have his number so could not contact him. I had no idea why he wasn’t there, had I done something wrong? Again? I didn’t see him for 3 months, and went through a state of depression.

Every day was the same. Wake up, work, sleep. I completely blanked out my mum when she spoke to me, ignored her completely. I had nothing to say. I never saw my dad apart from him picking me up and taking me to University. I didn’t speak to him, I didn’t make an effort, when he asked me about Uni I just shrugged and groaned. In classes I silently did my work, and stopped picking up colouring books for mum. When I went home I sat in my room staring out the window in the same place mum was when we returned from the hospital that miserable day. How things had changed since then. I ignored all of my surroundings.

I don’t know why I became so oblivious.

But being oblivious cost me a heavy price. I didn’t notice that my mum was getting very ill.