Feeling

Chapter 21 - living

Me and Richard were forced by our parents to spend time together, I plodded along with a 'whatever' feel to it, knowing he'll never feel the same about me. Normally I'd get bailed on because he hated spending time with me, understandable when I'm so miserable.

Richard would nearly always be in my house, as was his mum. Who I never found out the name of. She would make cakes and cookies like any 'dream mum' would but I just couldn't accept her in that way when I had such strong feelings for Richard.

At night I lie myself in bed and thought over our kiss again and again. The more I thought about it the stronger my feelings got, I wanted to stop myself but I couldn't. Just thinking about the kiss made my heart melt. I'd never felt this way before, my feelings for Richard were so different compared to anything else I'd ever felt for someone. Inside I had this need to constantly be around him. He was being so nice to me when we were together I thought that maybe there could be something going on but it was just to unrealistic. I knew he had no interest in me.

The pain of dealing with Richard in my house all the time only got worse. But I knew I had something to look forward to when I received a letter. It read:

'For the special girl,

Thank you for your kind letter it means so much to hear from you. We as a family wondered if you were ever going to be interested in visiting us.

With this is mind we realised you may not have the money for it, so as a gift to you, just mail us when you fancy coming to us, and we'll pay for and arrange your flight and other travel to get to us out here.

We do hope everything where you are is okay. Marilyn misses you so much, she talks about you all the time and makes up stories about you being a princess. She does get over dramatic sometimes, ha ha!

Hope to hear from you soon,

Tamarra and the family'

The letter was only short, as mine was to them, but it meant loads, I had the possibility to go to Canada and travel just like I wanted. There were a few things that needed sorting first though.

The term for Uni soon started up again and Dad was giving me and Richard a lift there every day. I remember the first day back so well. I spotted Chris and Sam so wheeled myself quickly over to them, I sat with them for a while before telling then about what had been happening.

"Surely they won't be official though right?" Sam said after I explained.

"I'm not sure, they spend so much time together they're inseparable" I sighed, instantly they both knew how much I was hurting, then looked at each other and started whispering, the only word I heard was "break" the rest of it was too mumbled to understand.

They smiled at me and told me that they would figure something out. I tried to avoid thinking of the horrible plans they may have made while I worked, but it became too difficult and my mind was filled with pranks and horrible ideas.

I found Richard at lunch and ate with him, I could see how uncomfortable he was so decided to lighten the mood.

"Your mum seems to be settling in nicely" I couldn't think if anything better to say.

"Yeah...I guess" he said, still awkward and avoiding eye contact with me. His body was twisted to one side and he was leaning one arm carefully on the table. Suddenly his head bolted up and he looked the other way at the floor, twisting his body quickly to face the opposite direction. I looked around to figure out what or who he had spotted and rested my eyes on his ex-girlfriend who was standing surrounded by a group of tall muscly boys that I hadn't seen before.

I leant in towards him. "We can go if you want" I spoke softly to calm him, in hope he would nod and we would leave.

"You can go, now. Go" He said. His voice was harsh and bold. His words were clear as day and then he shot me a glare which sent my heart to the pit of my stomach. Before I let him get angrier I left, watching him rub the side of his head as I went.

Dad picked me up after Uni and took me home, Richard was going to his Dad's house that night, his parents separated a long time ago. When we got home Richards mum wasn't their either so I asked where she was. Apparently she had gone on a girls night out, but she had left warm cake on the side with a note for Dad. I handed him the note and looked at him while the corner of his mouth turned up at the letter.