Lady Knight Missione (Merlin fanfic)

Chapter Twenty Four

I stare up at the stone ceiling as I pull the quilt tighter around my body and bite harder on my bottom lip until I taste blood. I'm tense, my whole body is on alert. I keep going over and over the scenarios in my head. The first is that I am laying here in my bed and suddenly my door is kicked open. Knights of Orwin swarm in all around me and standing in the doorway is Elie's mum and younger brother. His mum will start to say, "You did this. You killed my son," and then she will start to cry. His brother will then yell at me and tell me how terrible I am for leaving them alone like that, how it's my fault. Then he'll tell the guards to seize me and finally with his own blade will he take my life.

The next is similar and so is the one after that and after that until I've pictured about a hundred ways for them to come for me. At about the two hundredth the sun begins to rise and fill my room with daylight. I'm grateful for it but the scenarios still come, only slower this time and fewer than before. I braid my hair, get dressed and head out of the castle towards training Gareth. It's like if I look Elie's mum in the eye, she will just know and she will know who to blame, me. I don't think I can do it, look her in the eye or even tell her but I know I have to. I have to give peace to Elie's family and kingdom but I just, I don't know how.

"Missy!" Calls over Gareth as he comes into view. "You're early but I know I am too. So shall we get started?"

I smile a small smile and nod my head. When I first met Gareth he was shy, very shy but after only a small amount of time knowing and training him he really opened up. It fact he is barely shy at all once you get to know him, and full of energy that seems to rub off on me but not today. Today is different but not for him, for me and it isn't getting any better. The shadow that has stayed over me for a while now is back more than ever and I can't make it go away, nor can Gareth.

We have to cut training short for the signing of the peace treaty under Arthur's orders otherwise I wouldn't go and I would stay out in the forest away from everyone. I tell Gareth to go ahead first and once he is out of sight I make a decision. I look at the castle one last time then hop on Nadine who I keep out of the city walls since I barely have time to ride her and pick the direction I came here from. I then proceed in that direction as regret and shame build up in me.

....

Five graves at first glance but one of them is empty and holds no remains. It only symbolizes the death of Alex's father. The one beside that does hold remains, they are of Alex's mother and beside hers are Alex's. Beside Alex is Elie and lastly beside Elie is Al. Some of the rocks fell off of the pile so I pick them up and place them back where they were. It's silent here in a way and full of nothing because they are gone. If I were to imagine this place I would think of dead trees and dead animals everywhere but it is the exact opposite. It's silent like death but loud in life and trees are thriving. Bushes hold berries and birds flap their wings. Life has moved on but death remains.

I think it is okay to cry now so I do and it feels good. I am a coward. I am no Knight. A Knight would face her fears, I can't. All I did was run away, just like I run away from everything.

It's only been a few seconds when I feel a large warm hand on my shoulder and a presence by my right side. I flinch away from the touch and stand as I unsheathe my sword. I bring it up to the stranger's throat and get in a defensive position as I stand between him and the graves. It takes me a couple seconds to recognize who it is, and when I do it takes me another couple seconds to believe that it's not a threat. It is only Gwaine.

"Did you follow me?" I ask as I lower my sword.

A sort of understanding has been set between us and I like it how it is now, but I am no fool. I know it cannot stay this way forever.