One of Those Nights (boyxboy)

Chapter 7

Today I am once again a free man. After a week of pretty much nonstop talking with a therapist and light fitness with supervision I finally got discharged from the hospital. My hands are itching to play guitar again. That therapist did help though, to be honest. I shifted my self blame to partial self blame. My conclusion now is that both Ethan and I should share the blame equally because we both fucked up. His absence still hurts though and I'm sure it will for a long time.

When I arrive at our dingy apartment with Jason carrying my bags behind me I am met with a bone crushing hug from aunt Cynthia. Of course she visited me plenty of times in the hospital but I guess it's different now that I'm home again. Apparently there's a small surprise waiting for me though. Two small surprises. Turns out that Lucas and Olivier from school dropped off a get well gift. Cynthia explains that neither boy knew where I was admitted so they just dropped it off at home. I have no idea how they met each other but I'm still happy.

Olivier left a package of cookies that I wolf down immediately. They're fucking delicious and I'm going to ask him for more tomorrow at school. Yes I'm immediately jumping back into that hell hole. I probably have a lot to catch up on.

Lucas left a generic get well card on which he pointed out how generic said card is and how cliché getting into an accident is these days along with a bag of candy. I'm saving the candy so that I can eat it in front of him tomorrow without sharing. That's how great of a friend I am. No I'm kidding. I'll probably share with Olivier.

Anyway after the touching returning home scenario and my brother sleeping over I feel like I am ready to take on the world. Sort of. I was not ready to take on the long walk to school. I seriously misjudged the distance. From now on I shall take the bus. Or learn how to ride a bike. For some reason no one ever taught me how to ride one of those. I've never had any need for a bike though. But things change and now I do.

When I finally approach the school building my eyes land on a big circle of people. I decide to get a closer look. Laurence Hill is beating up a senior. Yeah I think I missed something important. But then again it probably has to do with his brother. Gray eyes flash through my mind. I wonder if he remembers my existence after awkwardly running into me in the auditorium after which I vanished for quite a while. The auditorium. Where I kissed Ethan for the last time. No. Bad Reiss. Don't think sad thoughts.

Laurence gets up off his victim and scans the crowd. Somehow, his clear, blue eyes land on me. Isn't that what I always wanted? It doesn't feel like a dream coming true though. I actually feel kind of nauseous. Violence doesn't look well on him.

I turn my head away and wait for the crowd to disperse. Then I head inside. Once I reach my locker I just stare at it. You know to be honest I really don't feel like going to class. I guess band practice after school should motivate me enough to get through the day, but it doesn't. It's like everything within school has lost its colour without Ethan around.

Have I told you I ended up not going to his funeral because the hospital staff didn't let me? Yeah, it sucked ass. My hold on my guitar case tightens and I make up my mind. Fuck classes. I'm going to grieve in the auditorium all day and play and sing my fractured heart out. No one apart from the theatre club ever goes there anyway so I should have it all to myself.

The auditorium is as dusty and deserted as ever. I close the doors behind me and quickly make my way to the stage. Before I start playing though I head backstage. There have to blankets or any kind of soft fabrics somewhere around here. And since I'm going to grieve I'm going to do it comfortably and in style. If there's anyone who deserves an overdramatic, gay grieving process it's Ethan, and I'm going to give it to him. Too bad I don't have any glitter. I could go to the art block but I would get caught by some teacher for sure then, so I'm not doing that.

Eventually I find some blankets and old curtains. Perfect. I spread them out in the center of the stage, making a small pile in the center for extra comfort. Then I get my guitar out and plant my ass down on the soft blankets. I'm ready.

I don't know for how long I play, but it feels amazing. With every song a little bit of heaviness seems to be lifted from my chest. I don't sing all the time though, I'd rather keep my voice alive. But the songs that really matter, I do sing.

Somehow I arrive at a point where I don't know what to play next. My head feels like and empty. I reach for my water bottle that I've already refilled thrice today and drink a bit. Then an idea of what to play next hits me. There's this ultimately cringy Avril Lavigne phase Ethan went through in middle school.

After laughing softly to myself I start strumming the chords to Complicated. This is one of the songs that matter so I throw myself into my singing. I close my eyes and imagine Ethan being here with me. He would be laughing his ass off and cussing me out at the same time. This is honestly the perfect goodbye.

When I finish the song I open my eyes again. I blink a few times at the sight in front of me. There are two guys standing at the edge of the stage, their mouths wide open. One of them has messy brown hair and familiar, stormy gray eyes. My mind pulls up this picture of a yawning goldfish I once saw. It's my favorite picture of all time.

One of them takes a deep breath and is obviously about to say something. I hold my hand up and shush him. "Shhhhh, I'm grieving." I say. Then I go on to play Nothing Else Matters by Metallica, but without singing this time. I honestly can't be damned today by what other people think of me or how rude I am to them. I just want to honor the memories I made here with my best friend.

The weird duo slowly walks closer. They shrug off their backpacks and lay down on the edge of the blanket madness I created. I smile at them and continue on playing. Eventually I pack up my stuff and head home. The two guys fell asleep and I decide to just leave them there.