One of Those Nights (boyxboy)

Chapter 18

I show up to school after a measly four hours of sleep. So I'm still tired as fuck. I did manage to shower though, so there's that.

My legs feel like lead as I head over to my locker with Lucas quietly following behind me. Allow me to explain something very weird about this school: the lockers. On the first floor there are none, on the second floor you have the lockers for freshmen and sophomores, and the lockers for juniors and seniors are on the third floor. So we get to climb a shit load of stairs every morning. Did I mention that I don't like stairs? Well I don't like stairs.

Lucas keeps throwing confused glances my way as I take peaceful sips of my coffee. I ended up bringing another mug today. Cynthia hasn't noticed yet though so it's fine. After entering the combination I fling open my locker and scoff at the sight of yesterday's coffee mug. I drop my biology textbook in it for later today and add my mug to my collection. At least this one's empty. After I close the metal box we head to French class.

"Everyone should get to have homeroom in their first period class." I find myself telling Lucas. He glares at me. "Really? You show up like an emotional wreck two days in a row and that's what you want to talk about Reiss? You know I didn't believe your bullshit about homework right?"

I frown and drop my head so I can stare at my shoes as we continue walking. Lucas sighs and decides to leave me be. That's something I've noticed about him that makes him a really great friend. He's found the perfect balance between voicing his worries and not pushing too much.

When lunch rolls around I find myself in the auditorium with Terrence. I actually just wanted to be alone and wallow in my self hate, but he followed me anyway. With a sigh I open my bag and pull out the package of brownies Olivier made during second period. My stomach grows nauseous and I gulp, then I hand them over to Terrence. He looks at me in question but grabs them anyway.

After a careful first bite his face lights up. "Holy shit, this tastes amazing!" he exclaims. I give him a sad smile and lay down on my back, resting my head against my bag. "I know, Oli made them in cooking class. He's really talented." I clarify. His smile drops again. He probably thought I made them for him. A painful pang pierces my chest. I'm such an asshole.

"You wanna come over for another tutoring session after school?" he asks, jumping back into his usual happy demeanor when he notices my frown. I start feeling even more sick and close my eyes. "No, I'm not feeling too well... Sorry." I feed him a half truth while trying to smile.

Worry flashes across his face and he reaches out to touch me. I flinch away at the memory of the way we kissed in his bedroom, the way his hand rested on my thigh at the gym and sent shivers down my spine, the way I had a heavy makeout sessions with Oli only an hour or so after that... And the way I just let Tommy kiss me yesterday. God I'm disgusting.

Terrence throws me a hurt look but doesn't try to touch me again. He doesn't ask any questions either, we don't know each other enough for that. I've been casually making out with a guy I barely know. I feel like throwing up. "If anything you're an angel." ... No Olivier, I am most definitely a slut.

Suddenly Terrence just starts talking about anything and everything. At first I'm confused, but I find myself enjoying just listening to him. It takes my mind off of, well, me... And my horrid behaviour. One story catches my attention more than the others.

"A friend of mine, Liam, told me my brother thought he had a crush on me. I mean okay, we're both gay but that doesn't mean we automatically like each other like that. He also asked be to just let Laurence believe that because he was actually in some kind of top secret relationship. They didn't last long though, the guy suddenly died in an accident a short while ago. He hasn't been the same since then, he's always angry and stuff, so I guess he did have really strong feelings for him."

I blink off into space a few times as his words die down. Oh don't I know that feeling. Of course Ethan wasn't my secret boyfriend, but he still meant so much to me. More than a boyfriend could. He was like a brother. My bond with him was stronger than my bond with Jason even.

My eyes slide over to Terrence and he looks right back at me. I decide that since he's opening up to me like that I should throw in some effort too, so I tell him all about the accident, my coma, not getting to go to the funeral, suddenly having all these guys offer themselves to me on a golden platter and me just going along with it, me being a slut.

He flinches slightly and frowns when I use that word. "You're not a slut, Reiss." he says and shuffles closer to me. "I am. I've made out with three guys in less than a week, Terrence." I whisper, he winces when my voice cracks. "One week." I repeat even quieter.

A single tear escapes from the corner of my eye. No, stop Reiss, you don't deserve to cry. But I don't have enough energy to hold it back. Soon enough I find myself sobbing like a six year old. I let Terrence hug me and cling onto him tightly as I wet his shirt with my salty tears and some snot.

After lunch I head over to the school nurse and ask her if I can go home early. She looks at me with pity after taking in my appearance and lets me go. I spend the rest of the day in my room playing sad songs on my guitar. I don't want to be here.

At a quarter past eleven at night I find myself staring at my naked reflection in my full body mirror. Cynthia has knocked on my bedroom door a few times to ask if I'm alright and to notify me that diner is ready. I locked the door and neglected answering her. Part of me wonders if anyone would worry about me as much as Laurence his friends and family worried about him. Probably not.

My eyes trail over my body, paying extra attention to every flaw. And trust me when I say there are a lot of flaws. I lift my hand and brush my fingers across my stomach. I even make abs look ugly.

I pinch myself at my stomach, hard, but don't make a sound. With cold eyes I watch the skin turn red. Then I continue doing the same to every part of my body that don't like, so I end up pretty much completely red. There are a few places on my back that I can't reach. After that I start fitnessing until I pass out.