Title: Rejection Before Words
Rating: PG-13
Author: YveTheGirl
Summary: Ariella Smith wasn't the same Ariella she was five years back. Now, she is fearless. Erased was the old, naive, forgiving, lenient and innocent Arielle. What made her change? Those six fatal words. What happens if some of her old self is still there? She won't be showing it to just anyone. Will she succeed in making Kale Evans regret the words he said that made her change? Or will she, instead, be his again? Only time will tell, when he returns.
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Review:
You have a lot of short paragraphs that really should be one big one. Your short paragraphs don't make it hard to read, but it is grammatically incorrect. The way you phrased things is your strong point in this category. In the prologue, you succeeded in making a lot of drama. =) I would like to see more descriptions so I could actually see what was going on.
Reading the summary... I thought this was going to be a "My Mate Rejected Me" kind of story. While I was right about that, your style is what really pulled in your readers, not the plot. I think she - Ariella - needs to show more emotional struggle. Yes, she's not the same Ariella she was, but what made her that way? What is her conflict, other than making Kale regret his words? Because if that's her only goal, then it makes her seem sort of mean. And you don't want a mean main character, lol.
And one last thing... she has two names: Arielle and Ariella. (Look at the summary.) :)
This story does have lots on untapped potential. You've got good characters, a good style going, but I want to see more from it. :)
I hope whatever I said hasn't offended you in any way. :)
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