Nothing, A Reylo Fanfic [On Hold]

Prologue: Kylo Ren

KYLO REN:

The nightmares come and go like the memories...sometimes I can't tell which is which. Not that it matters.

I spend most of time thinking by myself in my chambers, or as my idiot of general would call it, "moping".

Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice. Sometimes I wonder what could've happened if I went with her. If I went to the resistance. If I went back to the one thing I've sworn to destroy. I almost did. But I didn't. Nowadays I stay in my chambers and don't come out. Nowadays, I stare at the black steel walls of my room and remember.

Snoke. Hans Solo. Luke Skylark.

Millions of officers and stormtroopers.

Ben.

They are gone because of me...or are they?

Who am I anymore?

A Jedi? A slaughterer? Just a pawn in a much larger game?

A monster?

I'm not sure...All I know is that I feel pain. Raw, ugly, hideous pain. Not that I'm complaining;the pain is my only grip to reality at this point.

Reality...I wonder what it'd be like to completely return there again. But there's no point if there's nothing there for me. Nobody's waiting at the back door or watching through a window, wondering when I'll get back. But no one will wait for a monster.

I am a monster...and the girl knows it.

Is that why she left me?

Probably.

Will she ever return?

No. She won't. I thought for awhile I had found someone who understood, someone who I could relate to. But I was wrong.

I am always wrong.

"WHY??!?!?!?!!?!?!?!????!!" I scream and smash the first thing I see, which unfortunately happens to be my desk. It breaks straight down the middle and little wood splinters are all over the floor. My hands are bleeding.

"Why?", I mumble under my breath as I attempt to wipe the blood off on my tunic but end up just smearing it all over.

Why?

No one answers my cry.

No one will ever answer.

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Well that was short ... hope it kind of set the "emo mood" vibe thing though :)