chapter thirty-five; questions

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Clara had to refuse to sleep another night at his apartment. She wanted to, of course, but she couldn't stay here forever as much as she wanted to. It reminded her of how Sandra had slept at Chris' for days, half of all her stuff was there while the other half was at their mom's. Eventually she just moved in because that was easier.

That was why she kept checking if she had everything with her when she left on Sunday evening. Dylan and she had grown so close, he had no clue she actually thought about letting him stay in the bed on Saturday. It was just too early, it would go too fast. And it she didn't want to lose him either, that was why she couldn't. She couldn't let her stuff at his apartment, she couldn't let herself fall asleep in his arms and feel safe with him.

She couldn't. Not yet.

Clara startled when she hear someone calling her name all of the sudden. It was Jesse sitting down on the seat next to her in the cafeteria, gazing at her with his dark blue eyes as a smile came onto his face.

"Clara, what's on your mind? You've been sitting here for like 10 minutes and you haven't stopped staring at nothing but space. Usually you are behind your laptop, or reading a book-... How about that, I can go to the library and find you a book?"

"I'm fine and honestly, I think I like doing nothing for once."

"Sounds depressing."

"If you don't have anything nice to say, you could shut up and go back to your friends," she snapped, leaning her chin in the palm of her hand and turned her head away from him. Wherever that came from, she had no idea but a second later she giggled. He smiled along.

"I'm sorry. You're right, I shouldn't have said that," he apologized and she looked back at him, raising an eyebrow. There was always a little teasing in his voice when he did, or whenever he talked to her for that matter. She questioned herself if he had ever been serious, or if he hadn't how it would've had sounded. "I should go back to my friends, but then I have to leave you alone."

"I can survive on my own."

"I think it's best to go with me anyway."

"I'm not listening to you."

The stubbornness was irritating him a lot, he had to stop himself from saying anything that would offend her and that wasn't easy. She noticed, and maybe it was a kind of mean to act like that because he was obviously trying to help her in his own special way but she didn't want him to. She was fine on her own, waiting for school to be over so Chris could pick her up and they could hang out at his place.

"Have you spoken to your boyfriend lately?"

"Or also known as 'the guy', right?" a chuckle left her mouth and she tried her best to hide it with her hand. "Yes, I have and he told me. You don't have to worry about that, it's just that a big part of me doesn't want to be at school right now."

"We could skip?"

"Or not."

"Right, yeah," he stood up. "I'll you see then," he gave her a nod and then finally turned around to leave her alone, back to his friends' table.

 ---

"So, really, what have you been doing lately?" Chris grabbed a hand full of popcorn and shoved it into his mouth. Then he took a sip of his bottle of beer, turning away from the TV. "You were at Dylan's this weekend, right?"

"Yeah?"

"I was just asking."

She giggled, shrugging her shoulders as she gestured to the screen. "A movie is on, shouldn't we watch it instead of talking about my life and such."

"Your life and such? Is Dylan a part of your life or a part of such?"

Grasping for the bowl of popcorn, she began eating it and giggled again when he pushed the pause button. There was never a chance for them to actually watch movie, or do any other activity where you couldn't communicate. There was just something about Chris and talking, especially after she met Dylan. "I'm not sure, it depends."

"It depends on what?"

"I met his parents and sister on Saturday," she sat up, eating the last remains of the popcorn before setting the bowl back on the table. She watched him nod his head thoughtfully as he ran a hand through his long hair. "And well, we kissed, little bits of other touches. He slept on the couch-... Oh my God, I don't know what we are, okay? How am I supposed to know?"

"Well, Sandra and I just knew we were together, you know, as a couple."

"But?"

"Nothing. That's it," he sniggered, sipping from his beer. For the first time he had no idea what he could do to help her, and she knew exactly why that was. Sandra and Chris clicked from the moment they met, like he said himself they knew they were together as a couple. The relationships he had before, they didn't work out. He wanted to give her the best advice possible and he didn't have that for her. "But you said, little bits of other touches?"

"Eh, ehm, yeah. We made out."

"Right, okay." There was an silence and like she expected him to, he even made it more awkward. He shrugged, taking another sip of his beer and sighed. "You should use something, you know, if you-..."

"Yeah, Yeah, I know. I know. But it isn't happening anytime soon."

He quickly pressed play before anything else could be said. Chris knew she knew about using protecting when having sex, he just wanted to repeat just to make sure, even though it was so awkward. He was like a brother to her, the only male figure that felt like family to her.

 ---

"Stop it, you," Sandra pushed her boyfriend away from her, filling her own plate with food that she had just prepared. Chris continued to tickle her in her sides and make her laugh anyway, and Clara was just watching along, eating while leaning her chin in the palm of her hand. "What's gotten into you? Do you miss the attention or something?"

"No, I like seeing your beautiful smile."

She blushed and she smiled from ear to ear, then she noticed her sister across from her. She shook her head. "What are you laughing at?"

"I ship it. I've always shipped you two and I'm never going to stop," she promised, putting up her hands up defense as a snigger left her mouth. "I can't wait until you're going to marry, I'll be bawling my eyes out when you both say 'I do'. Or whenever I'll be visiting your apartment when you have kids-... Oh my God, this is so exciting."

"Then let me tell you what I think about Dylan and you-..."

"No, stop. His parents think we're already dating."

Chris' mouth dropped open in surprise, and it looked hilarious. Sandra was just laughing, because she didn't know her sister met the parents of the boy. "How can you not tell me that when we were talking about him an hour ago? That's very important, you know. That means-..."

"I didn't know what to do, Dylan didn't say anything-..."

"Stop talking!"

There was a silence after Sandra's voice had to be raised to stop the noise at the kitchen table. Chris and Clara locked eyes for a moment and then looked at the brunette who was now awkwardly tugging a strand of ear behind her ear. "I ehm-... Well, I just wanted to say to my lovely sister that I can't wait that until Dylan and her open up to each other more. And to my sweet and handsome boyfriend, that I'm very happy with him."

"That's dramatic."

"Yeah, babe. You're getting too deep."

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