My Suicide Story

I Shouldn't Have Done That

I wake up from my hell hole of emptiness. I feel a sharp pain in my left hand.

I look up and around me, trying to figure out what exactly happened. I tried to recall everything. I tried to think. My head started to ach and I feel dizzy. The pain got sharper. I clutched my head in my hands and brought my knees closer to my chest.

" Don't worry dear. That's just the effect of blood loss. You sure cut yourself real deep there. Good thing you're parents didn't waste any precious time in bringing you here." the nurse said. There was something really comforting about her voice.

" How long have I been here ? " I asked. She smiled and said " You've been here for a solid 8 hours. Now, do you want to speak to your parents?" I just nodded, but deep down inside I wondered if I could actually face them.

The nurse went out and after 1 or 2 minutes my mom and dad entered the room. My heart shattered for the millionth time when I saw them. My mom's face was tear stained and pink from all the crying. Her wrinkles stood out more prominently than ever and dark circles outlined her eyes. Her hair was all over her face and she no longer had that cheerful glow she used to have. My dad's eyes were red and swollen, clearly showing how much he had cried. I had never seen my dad so sad, not until today. It totally broke me to know that I had caused them so much pain. I should have died. I can't bear to look at them like this.

My mom ran forward to hug me, but stopped not knowing how I would react. My heart froze but my hands pulled her into my embrace with a renewed energy. I looked at my dad and nodded, gesturing him to join us. He put his hands on me and mom and we cried tears of relief as we felt the warmth of each other's souls. That moment I realized how much I meant to my parents. Their the ones that really matter. The desire to live sparked inside of me. Little did I know that that spark would grow into a raging fire that would give my life a new purpose.

" I can explain " I whispered.
" Trust me, you can't " my mom said. " Well, she's got a lot of explaining to do " my dad said.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. " I tried to say in between sobs. " We can't change what happened. So let's take it easy and talk about it when we have pulled ourselves together. " my dad said. My mom nodded in agreement. I was thankful that my parents understood my situation. But will I ever be able to tell them what really happened?