more and more difficult...

one

"Fuck's sake, man! Get your shit together. Do not take the tripto..." Jayden almost recited to himself, holding a tube of his most hated drug in his frail, shaking hand.

"I need the pain to go away..." he answered back to himself, his voice cracking softly as he let out his tears. He hated crying. Jayden was supposed to be strong and he hardly ever cried. At least not front of people anyway.

In a swift moment, Jayden I inhaled the drug, being unable to hold himself back any longer. He threw the tube away, watching it shatter into tiny shards against the wall in front of him. Norman simply hated this; being addicted to this vile drug that he just couldn't escape from.

He'd constantly remind himself how it was either the drug or ARI but Jayden never had enough courage to decide.

"It's a fucking vicious cycle, that's what it fucking is." he found himself repeating as he stared at his worn out reflection. His collar button was undone and his tie was loosely hung around the collar. His white shirt was lazily tucked into his skinny jeans, which were still muddy from an earlier investigation. Jayden's shoes weren't any better either; mud covered and wearily held together - a look which was oddly fashionable.

---

Another day at his office, another rainy morning. Jayden was on his third cup of coffee already; he'd learned to fall in love with the bitter coffee offered at the office. He just needed something to wake him up.

Norman simply couldn't count how many times he had fallen asleep on his desk, either by crying or by simply being too exhausted to go on.

Crying was something Jayden did frequently now. Ever since the 'Origami Killer Case', Jayden's mental and physical health were notably fucked up. He himself knew this but getting help over carrying on with an ongoing investigation? No way.

Norman was becoming weaker and weaker as a person. That case had really fucked him up and he couldn't get rid of the guilt of killing the people he did while on that case and most importantly, he hurt Ethan.

"Recognise that one? Huh? That's your son Ethan. That's Shaun."

Jayden reached for a bottle of vodka from his drawer, chugging a little short of half of it.

Hot tears brimmed his eyes again as he remembered the time when he had to arrest Ethan against his will. Blake had been too controlling over him and he figured that was part of the reason he felt so helpless now.

It would be wrong for Jayden to say that he hadn't developed feelings for Ethan because in reality, he had started liking him since he helped Ethan escape.

He had been there to comfort the older when Madison had died. Her death had an extremely powerful effect on Ethan and it worried Jayden. For a few months after that, Jayden had asked Ethan and Shaun to stay with him in the hotel where he could keep and eye on them both. That act of kindness, however, was only an act of kindness; nothing more. Shaun and Jayden got along with eachother rather well. The kid even described Jayden as his "second father" which seemed to make the agent extremely happy.

That all only lasted a few months. Jayden couldn't take it anymore after that, 'it' meaning life. There was too much to bear and he hated letting that affect Ethan and Shaun.

Ethan had tried to help him, asked him what was wrong and how he could be of any help. But being Jayden, he turned down the help with a sigh and "It's better if you stay away from me for a while."

Ethan had no choice but to listen to him. Jayden could lose control and get angry super fast - he wasn't proud of this.

This affected Shaun a lot. He missed Jayden. He was told that they'd be together again at some point but they couldn't yet because Jayden had work to do. Being a kid, Shaun believed them obviously. Oh, how Jayden wished he could just hold Shaun in his arms one more time-

"Jayden, what are you doing?"

That voice... no, I must be dreaming. It's the ARI... that's not...

"Ethan?"

Jayden's heart sank when he recognised him.

What is he doing in my office?

"You said you'd keep in touch, Jayden. It's been seven months. What happened, you forgot about me?" Ethan laughed lightly. There was a tinge of genuine humour in that sentence but Norman chose to overlook it.

"I didn't forget..." he spoke calmly yet sadly.

Why now of all times?

"Didn't think you would. How are you? Any better than the last time I saw you?" the older asked, noting the almost empty bottle of vodka and the much thinner frame of Jayden's body.

Jayden pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. However, he stayed silent.

Ethan kept a hand on Jayden's shoulder, in response to which, Jayden flinched.

"You haven't been keeping well, have you Jayden?"

"How's Shaun doing?" Jayden clearly evaded the question.

"He's...good. Recently he's been... missing Jason. A lot, actually. I wish I could do something for him, you know. I just wish he had someone else there for him. I'm out working on most days, and he's always on his own... it's heart breaking." Ethan finished, blinking a few times.

"I'm sorry to hear that..." was all that Jayden could manage to say.

"Jayden?"

"Hm?"

"Maybe you could- forgive me if this is rather sudden but- you could look after him while I work, perhaps? If your job allows you to, of course. Actually... it's fine, really. I don't know why I thought that-"

"I'll do it." Jayden agreed.

"What?"

"Shaun needs someone. I'll do it." he flashed a smile - fake or not, Ethan would never know - and stood up.

Ethan smiled back, his was genuine. "Means a lot. Thank you, he'll be more than excited."

"Why did you decide to visit me suddenly?" Jayden questioned, leaning lazily against his chair.

"I was looking through some things and came across something you'd given me. An old letter from the Origami Killer, I think. I just had to come see you."

"That's rather sweet, thank you. Give me a call next time though, to avoid you finding me like..." Jayden gestured to his shabby appearance and the messy office, "...this,"

Ethan chuckled, "I wanted to surprise you. You didn't seem too impressed though,"

"Oh, I was refusing to believe it was reality. Never thought you'd actually remember me." Jayden looked away, rubbing his neck.

"Why would you think that, Jayden?"

Jayden looked away again, "Sorry... I'm just not used to it. Anyway, I'm free in a bit, do you want me to look after Shaun?"

"Oh, that'll be great. It's his day off and I'm off to work soon..."

Jayden smiled, "Great. Already looking forward to seeing him."

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heyy guys xo aah i finally finished writing the first chapter lol pls enjoy bye

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