A Silent Lover

4. Imani

That Saturday I rose early to leave for the outskirts of Seoul. I had never learned to like driving in Korea, so I usually left early and took my time getting to where I needed to go. I dressed casually in blue jeans and a white cotton cardigan over a bright pink shirt. I matched it with white Vans, put my hair into a high ponytail and left the house, eager to see JaeHyun.

My little JaeHyun was five years old and currently lived in an orphanage on the edge of Seoul. I had first met him when he had only been two years old. I had been twenty-two at the time and had just graduated from college the year before. I was teaching at a public school, but I was about to open my tutoring business.
I was young back then and full of ideas about how to make teaching a better experience, not only for the teachers, but for the students as well. My own experiences teaching in Korea had been key in helping me to make the decision to create my own company.

Back in America, my aging parents did very well for themselves and lived in the Bunk Head area of Atlanta. What most people didn't know was that I had been adopted when I was still a baby, my biological parents having been drug addicts. The Taylors had raised me and never made me feel like I was anything less than their daughter.

Before I had started my company, they'd encouraged me to give back and so I had taken some time off to do charity work. Since I had been blessed in life through adoption, I guess I'd been drawn to helping in orphanages. I had gone to many around Seoul already and felt for all the children who had little hope of being adopted because of Korea's strict laws and intense adoption process. More than one hundred children resided in just three orphanages, most already over the preferred adoption age of two. It was heartbreaking to witness and I thanked God that someone had been there, that someone had wanted me.

While helping out in the final orphanage, I had seen my JaeHyun. He had been small for his age even though he was healthy; the other staff were still carrying him around even though he could walk. He was the sweetest thing I had ever seen and eventually I found myself doing the same. He always had ready kisses and hugs available and he was so precocious. I loved all the children that I worked with, but I remember the day that I fell for JaeHyun like it was yesterday. He had just begun potty training and had taken his first "potty time".

He'd run into the room I was in and grabbed my hand, desperately wanting to show me how well he had done. The whole time he was calling me Eomma and I couldn't tell this beautiful little boy that I wasn't his mother. I had already stopped my charity work by now and begun my business, but I still came to the orphanage just for JaeHyun. That day, as he said those words to me and jumped into my arms in excitement, it was then that I knew the truth. I loved my little boy more than anything and the next day I immediately told my parents.

I had just started my company and they cautioned me to wait, saying that I was too young, but I couldn't. I wanted JaeHyun with me and I wanted him as soon as possible. But the Korean government had other plans. It didn't matter that no one else wanted JaeHyun; they wouldn't let me have him either until I met their requirements. And so, I started the long application process only to be turned down early on for being too young and not making enough money. I had expected the rejection but the pain I'd felt from not being able to have JaeHyun with me was even greater than I had anticipated. Some part of me already knew that he was mine and it felt like they were keeping my son from me.

I hadn't given up though and two years later I was still fighting for my baby. I was 25 now and my business was booming more than ever before. I had even expanded and continued to expand into my new building so that I would meet the salary required for adoptive parents. I had never given up on JaeHyun and visited at least three times a week if not more. He was getting older and more than ever I was worried that the adoption would never go through. I tried to stay strong for JaeHyun but it was extremely hard. It seemed that no matter what I would never have the boy I considered my son with me.