Incoming: A Second Chance

April: Depressed

A week has gone by since my life turned upside down, and for the most part I avoided people at all cost. I even avoided calls to the point my voicemail couldn’t accept any new messages.

I catch Kathy glancing over at me for what seemed like the tenth time tonight as we sit in the gymnasium watching the guys play their basketball game.  The season was now over, but that didn’t stop them from throwing the ball around some.  The usual group was here, mostly juniors and seniors playing against each other.  It seemed to be a bitter sweet game, because for some of the seniors, their college basketball days were over, including Ethan’s.

Everyone seems to be cheering and joking around, and I am just here.  Numb.  Kathy thought it would be a good idea for me to get out of the room and around our “friends”. But while everyone else is smiling and talking, I find myself confused and angry.

Angry that the perpetrator is still out there. Angry that I don’t feel safe.  Angry that I haven’t been able to go into the showers without Kathy in the stall next to me.  Angry Ethan has been pushing too hard about that night. Angry he wasn’t there to save me. Angry at Derek for leaving and not calling to say goodbye. Angry at myself for not being able to identify the bastard. Angry that I can’t stop the nightmares.

In the corner of my eye, I catch Kathy looking my way for the eleventh time tonight. I can see her worry, it’s written all over her face all the time.  She’s waiting for me to crack. 

Between Ethan, Kathy, and Brent, I am never alone.  It’s like they rotate shifts to make sure of it.  Even though I’m scared, I feel like I need to breathe again, and I can’t with them watching me every second.  Ethan doesn’t get it; I just need some time to get my head around this past week, but he keeps pushing. I know he means well, and I can see the worry in his eyes, like he knows I’m pushing him away, but what he doesn’t get is that I don’t want to see that worry.  I want to forget about everything, and lose myself in his dimpled smile; I want to go back to the way things were before.  But the more he pushes, the angrier I get at him for not knowing that.

I’m starting to feel the tension between us; even Kathy has asked several times if everything is okay between us.  All I can do is shrug.  Watching Ethan down on the court, I can even see it in the way he moves.  His body is tight and guarded, and I can see he is on edge.

I glance around the gymnasium watching Sarah, Kelly, and some of the other girls who are hanging around.  No one seems to notice me, and I for one don’t mind.  But I can’t help but feel like I’m being watched all the time. The image of the hooded figure starts to once again materialize in my mind.

Just when I’m about to get pulled into the nightmare of that night, there’s a commotion on the court, and Kathy stood instantly. John and Brent are grabbing onto Ethan, as he struggles to free himself from their grip.

I stood, glancing back and forth between Kathy and Ethan, “What happened?”

“Ethan. He just punched Luke.”

“What! Why?” I said almost in a panic.

“I don’t know. Luke said something to him and he just went off!”

“Oh my God. Oh my God,” I kept repeating under my breath as I watched what was unfolding before me.  John got a hold of Luke, and Brent was trying to hold Ethan back and calm him down.  Darryl was standing in the middle, yelling at Ethan, and he was actually yelling back.  I couldn’t make out what he was saying, but he was livid.

And just like that, Ethan lost it.  He tore off his tee-shirt and threw it on the floor before storming off toward the locker rooms.  I’ve never seen Ethan act this way, and it scared me. Was I doing this to him?