a change of heart // phan

ten

it's like we never happened, was it just a lie?

phil lester @amazingphil tweeted
got some explaining to do yikes gonna do a livestream in a few minutes ( featuring a special guest ) come watch if you're interested!

i stare dumbfoundedly at my laptop screen hours after his liveshow ends. summer midnight hair fades into inky poison that bruises my fingertips with regrettable nostalgia and dusty pink lips dim their magnificence into ruined flesh and metal. he isn't mine anymore—the burning bitterness of my tears reminds me just that.

the heartbreaking episode replays mercilessly. again and again and again. it spreads an itch down my arms and births a searing fire in my chest and god i didn't think him having his lips on someone else could hurt so much. i'm not sure what i'm supposed to do anymore, i'm staring at his channel and every trace of our friendship has been removed, no videos that mark our success or our happiness remain.

they're all gone.

my fingers shake in grief as they dial his painfully familiar number and my ears beg for mercy so as to not hear his voice again but my crippled heart, god, it still asks for the agony of confrontation—not that it is needed anymore.

"p-phil i,"

"i'm sorry dan, but i can't do this anymore. we're over, i'll come by to take my—"

i break.

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HI THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER SORRY IF ITS SHITTY HH I'LL UPLOAD THE SEQUEL SOON