Sad Quotes

Help...

      Alright, so this isn't a 'quote' which I'd usually do. Instead, I just want some kind of help with my current situation because I am an idiot who decided to shut her mouth instead of talking to others in real life.

      Alright... you can say that I'm seeking pity or attention, but I just want to get this off my chest. 

      This started a long time ago actually; five years maybe. There was this student, let's call him Aiden. He was American, why is it important? Our country doesn't speak English, we speak a different language which I'm terrible at (I am fluent in English.) 

      Aiden was older than us, and since I was the only fluent one, the teachers decided to partner us up. He was in our same grade, even though he needed to be in like the seventh or something. The reason was that he couldn't speak our language yet, so he was starting off with the 'basics' I'm guessing.

      I admit; I was a 'bully.' A very idiotic and violent kid. So... I punched people a lot. I stopped my act three years ago, when depression started hitting deeply.

     Aiden and I were... acquaintances according to him. I feel the same way except for this one time which I kept dearly to my heart.

     "You like him, don't you?" people asked me. No. I do not... at least that's what I think...

      In the second semester, he went to like the sixth grade, away from us. I admit, I was lonely considering he was the only one I hung around with. But that was fine, because I ended making some fake friends.

      Throughout those five years, we decided to conclude ourselves as 'enemies' I guess. We used to hit each other a lot. Well, mostly me. I swear; he hated me. Although; I guess I did hate him as well.

      Three years ago (as I mentioned, depression hit) I just stopped. Not because of my depression but because of my back-stabbing situations and because I saw what I was doing was so fucking wrong. We haven't talked in five years... except for small conversations (as in like three words)  and glances around the halls.

       What's strange is how much guilt I felt. I was really guilty about my idiotic behaviour that I avoided him. He seemed to avoid me as well. Don't blame him, who would want to be stuck with an attention seeker like me?

      I decided to send him a note. Well, I wrote it and got my friend to send it to him. You see, the school had a few events today (Second February 2018) and their was a certificate giving ceremony thing and we had to practice before the big day.

      Aiden and I both were the school's top choice in English competitions (although I was invited in Computer programming comp as well.) So, of course, we had to see each other in the auditorium.

      ... yup. Five people away from me was the guy that I decided to bully five years ago. 

      I don't know why, but I kept glancing at him. I was so tense, I tried to stay comfortable as usual but hah, nah. Didn't happen. We kept making eye contact and I was the first to turn away. Honestly; it was strange, I admit.

      Until I learnt that my friend had given him that letter. Of course, being my pessimistic self, I thought of the worse.

      Then today, he responded. No, not by contacting me or speaking to me. .... he sent me a letter back. I thought it was cute the way he did but who knows, I was blushing and trying to hide myself from that god damn room.

      Me and my friend were in this room in which the teach wanted us to help younger class-men or parents if they wanted to know about projects. Aiden and I were the teacher's favourite students. Last year, Aiden actually came to the room but I couldn't (which was great, considering the fact that I was still avoiding him.)

      So the first thing I see when the ironic song of 'If I could Tell Her' ended, was him entering the god damn room. Of course, I was in the corner of the room with my friends in a semi circle. First thing they yell? "Alice, there's Aiden!" 

      I hate them. Literally. So after what seemed like years, he left the room as I exhaled. But no, he decided to come in once more, come towards us as I screamed into my palm loudly, all the curse words I knew and he threw a letter into my friend's lap. 

     He left the room but not before my friends yelling "Aiden, Alice's blushing!" Ha. Today was a day which I wanted to kill everyone.

     ... the letter was as if a rejection. I know this is long, but I just have too much to say I guess. In my letter, I wrote that I wanted to be friends (for what reason, I don't know) and he wrote and I quote "Second, consider me as your senior as we are not anywhere near 'friends'." The nerve.

       I'm just.. not sure anymore. I know goddamn well I don't like him but that doesn't explain why I'm so tense, why I feel as if I need to be perfect, why I can't seem to be my sassy and sarcastic fake side. We'd usually make eye contact around school anyways, I feel as if his gaze is always on me.

      I just don't know... what the hell should I do.... should I just be his friend or ignore him... I'm not sure...

Can one of you guys just give me your opinion? I don't care if it's a hate comment, I just need to get my mind off this thing, comment your story if you want.

      ... thank you. For reading.... good day.