Psychopath [solangelo au]

-How to hold tight-

February 19, 2018

Stars are like infinity. They go on and on forever. It amazes me but also scares the shit out of me at the same time. Compared to the rest of the universe, our solar system is just a fraction of it. A infininth of it. Even less than that. And earth is even smaller than that. And I am even smaller than that. I am smaller than a atom compared to the universe. What I do with my life does not change anything. I don't matter. I'm not important.

My thoughts get out of hand.
I can't stop my thoughts from spinning, which may make no sense, but it happens constantly. My mind spins out of control and I get off topic of questioning existence. I end up thinking about ducklings or something. They are very soft.

I slapped a hand over my face and dragged it down to my neck. My room was freezing cold so I had my blankets pulled up as far as I could. I had to get out of bed for school but I was so tired. And my head was so loud.
My hand travelled to my throat wear my Adam's apple was barely visible, to my bare shoulders that I tried to squeeze the tension out of.
I sat up and made a quick decision to run out of my room and have a hot shower, so I didn't freeze.
Then I got dressed in my biggest sweatshirt, jeans, and crappy vans. I left my house for school.

Bianca showed up during art, in the middle of a conversation with Camilla. She scared me half to death when she placed her freezing cold hands on my shoulders.
I cut off in my sentence and almost fell out of my wobbly plastic chair. Camilla's excited smile turned into a weird stare.

"You ok death breath?" She asked, tucking the strand of dark hair out of her face. I swallowed the lump in my throat and did my best to shrug the cold touch off my shoulders without it being to obvious. I added a nod to the gesture.

"Y-yeah, I'm good, anyways as I was saying, he took me out for Valentine's Day. Nothing happened so I don't know if anything will happen ever. Maybe we'll just stay friends," I shrugged again to get the cold to go away. It did, but then out of the corner of my eye I saw Bianca crouch by my chair.
I focused on Camilla and the charcoal pencil in her grip. She wasn't amazing at art but she wanted the extra credit.

"I doubt nothing will happen! You guys literally made out in a booth while you were on a date!" She practically shrieked. I shushed her when several people looked over curiously to eavesdrop on the conversation. Anyone learning I was (maybe) gay, would not help my bullying problem.

"We did not make out!" I hissed, shrinking into my seat with bright red cheeks,
"And it wasn't a date, we go to the cafe every week, as friends."

"Oh come on Nico he literally confessed his love to you, and kissed you- twice!" She giggled quietly so that the people in the table pairing next to us wouldn't hear.
Camilla didn't look like herself today, wearing light colours instead of dark and intimidating shades. She still looked scandalous with white skinny jeans and her light pink cropped sweater, but she was wearing converse and no blingy jewellery.
I decided to change the conversation,

"Ok sure. Maybe you're right, but what about you. Where's your 'I fucked your brother and his best friend' look?" I asked, flinching slightly when Bianca whispered something to me.
Camilla snorted and drew something on her paper,

"My mom said I was dressing like a stripper so I told her I could dress like a normal teenager for a week," she replied, smiling. Her mom alway got on her case about being a "slut" and a "stripper" and a "whore", but honestly she just liked dressing up, it wasn't really for attention.

"And what do you get out of this?" I asked, putting attention back on my work. Bianca whispered another insult.

"Oh yeah, she said if I even had the wardrobe to dress normally then I could dress however I liked for the rest of my life. After this is over get ready for Camilla to whore it up," she laughed as the bell rang. We packed our bags and left together. Bianca was drowned in the crowd, thankfully, but I could still hear her. I was quickly losing energy and strength to stay awake, and as soon as I sat in math, my eyes shut.
25 minutes later, I was rudely woken up with the slap of a ruler on my desk, and giggles from my classmates. I squinted up at my math teacher, an old man with no warmth in his eyes. He was glaring at me, very obviously angry.