Missing Memories (Peterick)

1

536 days. That's how long my best friends been missing and it all my fault. We were in a fight. I said things I shouldn't have and didn't say things I should have. I wish I told him. He was going on a date with some other guy that night. I wish I told him then and there that I wished it was me. Then maybe he wouldn't have left. Maybe he wouldn't have gone and wondered around the streets of Chicago just because he was mad at me. Maybe if I actually said what I meant he would be here with me now. But he's not. He out where only god knows where.

For all I know he could be dead. That's what the police think. That day was the worst. It was his birthday. On all the days they could of given up on him they had to do it then. It killed me. How could they give up on him when they barely tried. They even tried telling me that it was time to move on. Do they really expect me to get over the fact that my best friend went missing? There is a better chance that hell will freeze over. But they insisted. They told me he was most likely gone. That was the day I lost all hope.

I was alone.

My thoughts were eating away at my mind and nothing was there to really stop them. Whenever I was having a bad day or the times where I couldn't escape my own thoughts, he was there for me. Now without him I'm a mess. My whole life came to a crashing halt before I could even stop it. The band had to go on hiatus. I let down a whole fan base.

I remember that night so vividly. I called and texted him thousands of times only to realize he forgot his phone. So I waited. I sat on the couch and stared at the door. For hours on end. It was around two when I realized he wasn't coming home. I thought maybe he stayed somewhere else so I continued waiting. But then a few hours turned to days and my gut knew something was wrong. I called the cops and the hunt was on. I stayed at home staring at that door. I did for weeks. I didn't get up unless I needed to go to the bathroom or eat. I never left home though.

As I sat there I could count millions of things that ended up pushing him out the door that night and they all start with me. And no one could tell me otherwise. It was my fault that he was gone and I was alone.

Sure, Joe and Andy came along and tried to help me. They used to come over and eat dinner with me every other night. But they had their own lives. I had a couple friends that did that. But Brendon was the one who truly put his life on hold for me.

For the first year he slept on my couch. He forced me to see a therapist. He even had my therapist call him after every session to figure out how I'm doing. Brendon found me when I was cutting. He stopped me on the night that i probably would have ended my life. After that, he watched me like a hawk until I convinced him that he needs to go back to his own life. He held back his album so that could keep an eye on me and make sure I'm ok but that only made me feel more like a useless human. Finally I got him to sleep at home but he still comes over almost every day to make sure I'm ok. For him I put on a happy face, but I'm not happy. It's been a long time since I was ok. And I honestly don't think I will be until he walks through that door again and I tell him what I should have long ago. But like I said, hope is lost. I don't know if I'll see him ever again. Most people tell me I need to move on but can I do that? No. I miss him way to much to move on. I miss my roommate and my best friend. I miss Patrick.

AN: NEW STORY!!! I'm excited for this one.

QOTD: favorite fanfic you have read recently?? I just read this one called "family" and it was so good. I put it in my recommendations section on my profile so make sure to check it out!!