Anonymous Letters

Letter #1

I haven't been able to see you for nearly six years now. I miss you dearly and I wish I could see you again, but I know that's not possible. I miss your voice and the way you behaved. In fact, I miss everything  about you. Your birthday's coming up soon, and so is the date you left us -- the day you died. I'm still not over it, or you. I feel like maybe it's because I wasn't exactly allowed to grieve over you. Whenever I cried because of how much I missed you, I'd start to get talked to about how I can't keep grieving over you because it got others who knew you very sad and depressed. No, I don't agree with being told not to be upset and not to grieve, but I had to listen. I couldn't go against them, for god sakes your mom kept breaking down in tears whenever I mentioned being sad about you. And that made me feel guilty and rather uncomfortable. I had to stop, and it's just making me even more sad now.

  You're one of the reasons why I want there to be an afterlife; why I'm so desperate for there to be some sort of an afterlife. I'm desperate to see you again, although I really don't believe I can. No matter how hard I try to hope, there's scientifically no actual way I could possibly see you again.

  I started finding new things of yours that you've left behind. One of them being a Valentine's card from you. It's not exactly a card, more like one of those Valentine's Day things you'd normally give out to young students in a classroom in elementary school. You signed it with "mommy" and wrote "I love you" on it. I keep it in a safe place just so it's not another thing lost of yours. I'm still re-discovering things you've owned and/or made.

  I don't know if you're proud of how I turned out or not, but I still love you so dearly; even if you don't. I hope to see you soon.

Your son,

Lucas