Anonymous Letters

Letter #4

I remember the first day we met. It was on that stupid website, but I still remember everything about it. We started talking on the first day of either 2015 or 2016. I remember how we became best friends almost immediately, and spent every single day talking to each other. Honestly, I miss that now. I miss everything about how we were. Now, we don't talk much at all. We don't act nearly the same as we used to. I miss that.

  I remember how we used to tell each other everything, and how we helped each other through thick and thin and stood by each other's side, no matter what. You were also someone who helped me through self-harm and suicide, although you were the biggest reason I used to want to kill myself, or simply just hurt myself. You changed me a lot, and you're one of the reasons why I act how I do. I've picked up on your habits, although we haven't talked very much in so long. Little do you realize, you're the reason I have as many trust issues as I do. Little do you know, you gave me the fears of being cheated on because you've done it so much. You gave me many more, but I'd rather not have this letter too long. 

  A part of me heavily regrets being in a relationship with you. You tore me apart every time we decided to be in a relationship, and you cheated on me and lied to me but I still loved you. Hell, I still wanted everything to do with you. You were the reason I cried myself to sleep most nights, and other nights didn't get any sleep at all because I stayed up so late talking to you. You live in a completely different state, and even left to go to a completely different country during the summers. There's no way we could've or could meet, but I still dreamed of doing so. A part of me still wonders why I ever liked you, or ever wanted to be friends with you. If we never met, I would've been a much different person -- someone more stable and without any mental issues you've caused me.

  Now that you've blocked me on everything again, I hope I never talk to you again.

  -Lucas