The Lovers of Life

CHAPTER XII - THE STAR, THE WIDOWER AND THE DAUGHTER

"You're in my mind all of the time
I know that's not enough
Well if the sky can crack, there must be some way back
To love and only love"

Electrical Storm – The Best of 1990-2000 - U2

I stared at the sky, glowing red. The two dots upon the dark horizon had vanished ages ago. But I couldn't take my eyes away from the spot where he had been with my wife moments ago. I slumped down on the cool rocks of my balcony and stared in the distance. The clouds in the horizon grew a faint pinkish red and I could hear the children stirring in their rooms.

There was a knock on the door of my bedroom. I did not answer. Knock again. Still, I did not stir. When I finally thought I might as well get up, I couldn't muster the strength to do so. Why me? Oh, Anastasia, how much do you hate me now for dooming you to becoming a monster? I sighed. I probably never would see her again. And her family? All of them were here – damn it. They were the ones who would keep Myrrha. I couldn't just break all contacts with them now – they had my daughter!

The others in the tent were still sleeping. The fire had died out and Helena wasn't there anymore. I wondered where she was before deciding I didn't really care. I got up and walked back inside. I carefully made my way down the hall to the bedroom I used to have when I was a boy. I pushed the door open gently and tiptoed to the cradle where a small child lay sleeping.

I smiled down at her. She was sucking her thumb. Her small fingers seemed so frail and fragile I doubted they could grab my fingers. I caressed her forehead. She turned around slowly in her blankets, stretching and opened her wide brown eyes. I smiled as she yawned and looked up at me with interest. I didn't dare take her in my arms. What if I hurt her? So I readjusted the blankets around her small body. Tiny dark hair was already poking out on her head. I knew she would grow to have very curly hair, like mine.

"She's a beauty, isn't she?" asked someone behind me.

I turned around, surprised. Madame Irène was lying on a small bed. What a fool I had made of myself! How could I forget that she was taking care of Myrrha at night? I was embarrassed. I was alone, in this room with a woman in pyjamas. Oh, but Anastasia wouldn't want me to be embarrassed.

Irène gave a small chuckle and asked if I wanted her to leave the room. I shook my head and made for the door but Irène said something that made me stop short in my tracks:

"You have all the right in the world to be with your child, Monsieur."

So, everyone knew – was the confusing magic strong enough to serve its purpose? Before I could think about that, Irène asked me if I wanted to take the child in my arms.

"I don't know how," I confessed.

"Don't be foolish, I'll show you," said Madame Irène bending down over the girl and taking her in her arms carefully, "you hold the head with your arm, like this. Her neck is too weak yet to hold her head on her own; you must help her," she explained before carefully handing me the baby.

I stared at my beautiful daughter as she clamped her tiny fingers around the button of my coat, which was in her reach. She smuggled her head against my chest and fell asleep. I didn't dare move. I tried to keep my breathing steady so that she wouldn't be disturbed. How beautiful she was.

"See – she knows who you are," said Madame Irène.

Helena entered the room. She glanced at us before walking over to Irène and whispering in her ear. Irène listened carefully to what Helena had to say about Romeo's and Gustave's mischief before walking out of the room.

Helena sat on the edge of the bed. I smiled at her from above Myrrha. Then, I slowly lay her back in her cradle. Helena then pulled me into a hug and kissed my cheek.

"Last night, Anastasia told me she thought it better for you to bring up Myrrha."

I didn't really know what to say. How could I tell the others about that? She's my daughter! My child – they'll understand.

I looked up at Helena who nodded. I smiled at her. Now, what about Anastasia's sudden disappearance? How could I explain this to them? Helena took my hand. She would help me. She was to stay with me. And she knew where Anastasia now dwelled.