The Lovers of Life

CHAPTER XI- THE LOVERS OF LIFE (pt 1)

"But this time I mean it
I'll let you know just how much you mean to me"

Demolition Lovers – I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love - My Chemical Romance

I sang slowly until she fell asleep. Lydia was smiling. I lay the child in the cradle and we slowly went out of the room. I felt weak and oddly confused. I had but a vague souvenir of the last year or so. None of us seemed to remember clearly what had happened lately. Victor and Lydia claimed the child was theirs. But I couldn't quite believe them. That girl was mine and I knew it – I could feel it. Ought not a mother to know her own child? To recognize the looks of her husband in her child?

They will take good care of her, Anastasia.

I stopped dead in my tracks as I heard the voice. It had been years. Since before the wedding. Lydia's footsteps stopped suddenly. She turned around to look at me.

"Why, come now, sister. They're waiting for us," she said.

"Aye," I whispered as I started back to walk with Lydia, straining my ears to hear his voice again. Talk to me Lusaka, explain this! If this is my girl, you owe me an explanation as to what is going on!

All in the right time.

Lydia and I walked on. She opened a gate and we stepped outside into the lovely twilight. The sky was littered with stars. Down on the dewy slope, a fire shone brightly. I could see Helena, Julien's aunt, talking with Victor. Julien was kindling the fire and Elsie was sitting subdued near the tent's entrance – when?

Sooner than you can imagine, love.

Romeo ran forward and jumped in my arms. I held him as I strolled down the slope, but he wasn't his light anymore. I set him down as we reached the fire and he sat down beside his mother who groomed his hair patiently with her fingers. I slumped down on a blanket Julien had laid out and took off my shoes. Julien tightened the woollen jumper I had clumsily knitted him the previous winter, rubbed his hands together to heat them and sat down beside me. He passed an arm around my shoulders and kissed my cheek.

I felt a slight twinge of guilt as I thought of our daughter. And I thought of Eva for the first time in a long time. Witchcraft of some sort was evidently at work here. Ah, but I wasn't fooled. Poor Julien, to have his daughter sleeping under his roof and believing her to be his niece.

I gently pulled away from Julien and went to Elsie. I sat down beside her and hugged her. I heard her sigh as I rocked her. My little doll, my darling Elsie had been abandoned by her husband a few weeks prior. He ran away with our cousin Angie to everyone's astonishment – but mine. Elsie was very miserable, with two children and no home.

In a feeble attempt to cheer everyone up, I had invited the whole family to get together in W.

It was the summer solstice tonight. Three years ago I had fallen in love with my dear Julien as we strolled away to the village. And as he had told me then, the sky here was littered with stars. There were plenty of shooting stars. And I couldn't help thinking when I saw Helena, Julien's aunt, that she was a star herself. She had golden hair and walked lightly – she even seemed to shine sometimes.

To admire the beauty over us, I had suggested that those of us who could and wanted to would sleep outside under the firmament. Everyone was eager to sleep out, but we had set up a tent in case it rained or winded too much.

"Happy birthday, darling," I whispered in Elsie's ear before kissing her head.

Elise started to cry on my shoulder and I sang to her, soothing her as well as I could, whispering kind words of courage and faith to her. She mustn't give up. She had two lovely children and a beautiful life before her. There was nothing to be ashamed of. He was an idiot. I would stay with her.

"You were right though. You didn't want me to marry him. You thought it wasn't a good idea. But I didn't listen to you, I married him and here I am now! Abandoned with Gustave and Emilie. You are always right! I should have listened to you."

I didn't know what to say. So instead of answering: "Told you so!" as I was dearly tempted to do, I rocked her and kissed her head. My poor baby sister was exhausted.

Elsie fell asleep and Lydia and I carefully lay her in the tent with a pillow and a blanket from the castle. I looked at her sleep peacefully for a while. I didn't know why, but I felt as if it would be the last time I would see her. She still had tears clinging to her eyebrows. I kissed her forehead. I would see her – but we would both appear different to one another then.

I went back to sit by the fire with Julien. My father and Irène came down from the castle to bid us goodnight and bring Romeo up to the castle where he was to sleep with his cousins. Had I not known that this new-born niece of mine was my daughter, I would have envied my sisters' their lovely children.

I wondered briefly how Julien felt about having no children of his own. Ah, but he must think they will come. But I knew I had had my only child. My beautiful Myrrha, when will you know me as your mother?

Victor helped our father back to the castle and hurried back to us bringing us the news that Romeo did not want to go to bed and that Irène was getting angry. We talked a bit about childhood memories in which we had complained to Irène about something and we remembered all the tricks she had used then to make us do as she asked.

The night grew old and cool. Victor and Lydia retired to the inside of the tent. Julien and I had been lying down, staring up at the shooting stars. Gasping when we saw nicer ones and giving them names. Helena often prompted names, which I felt sure were the stars' right name. Finally, as I was starting to shiver, Julien suggested that we went in the tent with the others.

It was cramped in there, but we had brought down enough blankets for everyone and Julien and I huddled in a corner. I was lying between Julien and Elsie. I kissed Julien goodnight.

"I love you," I told him, caressing his face. I snuggled my nose against his chest and he held me in his arms. I could feel him breathing, I could hear his heart beating in his chest. The warmth of his embrace was protecting me. Nothing whatsoever could happen to me.