tw : revolves around themes like slut shaming, sexual assault, abuse, self harm.
book 1 in the fragile hearts trilogy
❛ but if i have to make a list of things that make me happy today now that you're not around anymore - being seen as me and not j...
trigger warning, references of sexual abuse and self harm.
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As soon as I was out of his damned car - my knees wobbly, appearance a mess, with all the confidence I had managed to muster seemingly disappearing in that particular moment - Josh's word kept replaying in my head over and over again.
Who the hell do you think you are to teach me what's wrong and what is not when you've slept around with basically every guy you ever met? How are you any different, any better than I am?
I was torn between trying to believe it wasn't me and blaming myself at the same point without any idea how he had successfully managed to turn me into the wrong one, or how I had somehow believed that I was equally in fault at his shrewd cheating games.
But his words brought back memories buried deep within, memories that still haunted me if I dwelt in them longer than a few moments.
Where the fuck do you think you are going, slut?
It will all be over soon, don't worry. You know you want this as much as I do.
You were asking for it, everything about you - your clothes, all of it wanted this.
Stop crying.
It was almost too real, as if I had been pushed back in time, with him in place of Josh and every single one of those words etching their way back to my skin from where they had been buried deep within.
And everytime I tried to breathe there was this annoying feeling that I am suddenly trapped in a dark suffocating room with my worst memories as my only companion. Along with that was the bitter feeling of being the other woman, the fact that Josh had been trying to use me to sabotage his relationship and had even managed it once made my stomach churn and my throat clog with uneasiness.
"Sarah?"
Looking up at mention of my name, I saw Kaira walking out of the party towards me, pocketing her phone.
"Hey, why are you outside..." She broke off suddenly as her eyebrows furrowed in concern. "You okay?"
"Yeah I'm fine, of course I'm okay." I started, quickly looking away to hide my tear stained face. "Just waiting around for a cab, it's nearly impossible to get one from here."
