The Ripped Fate [DISCONTINUED]

i'm really sorry

hi, so i have been working a bit on the next chapter and it's really something that i want to get done and i really like this story, so it's something i want to get finished someday. but, this is not me putting out an excuse of why the next chapter isn't up yet. i wanted to talk to you all about my life for a second because this is the only place that my internet friends don't follow me so please just let me rant for a second. 

so in early 2016 i think i was in a really bad place mentally. i'm not diagnosed with anything but life took it's toll on me. i didn't feel like i was welcome in my friend group in school and as a person that's very very insecure regarding friends and people i definitely took that hard. and music is something that always reflects my mood and feelings and in 2016 i almost only listened to metal and punk and rock because they were angry and so were i. and in late 2016 and early 2017 i spent an entire year disliking and chatting shit about this one girl and i spent the entire year not talking to her and that was also very difficult on me as we are in the same friend group. so that was another year of me feeling quite insecure. now, summer and late 2017 were amazing. the summer was really liberating and i figured out some stuff about myself and then school was great, stressful, but great. and i found two friends that i felt comfortable with and it was nice. 

2018 started out great and some parts of it has been great but it's also been very heavy. i found out that most of the girls in my friends group disliked me and had for a while. and just gettting confirmation of something that you've suspected for a long time is awful and it took a toll on me. i joined a groupchat but recently got in an agrument with someone there so i left it. i had an argument with my best friend and now i don't even know what we are. and i constantly feel like i say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, choose the wrong thing and i think that mixing those insecurities with body insecurities and low confidence and extreme school stress and a general feeling of just wanting to stop and sleep and rest has really messed with my brain. 

i'm not sure what i'm trying to get out of this but it's late at night and i'm tired, i'm so so tired of everything and i need life to calm down. but yeah, thanks for taking the time to read this if you have and if you have any tips on how i should deal with:

regret

friends

stress

anxiety

feel free to comment something. 

i love you all for supporting this story and i'm amazed at how well it's done. and also please please please don't comment things like "update now!1!11!!1!1" it's not encouraging in the slighest and i'm not a machine that can just update all the time. better ways to get me to write is to tell me what you enjoyed in the chapter or what you're looking forward to, just anything but "update". 

thank you, au revoir

- J

edit: omg y'all are the sweetest people. thank you so much to everyone that's commented and told me to take things slow or let me know that i can talk to you. you guys deserve the entire world. xxoo