ABANDON

Chapter 9 -- The Song

    The kitchen part of the mess hall was shaped like a U.  It didn't really look like a kitchen, the only resemblance was the counter tops and layers of labelled drawers.  Jane found the water first, it was the only drawer with a sign posted on it.  "One is all you get.   Deal with it." She took out a capsule, drank its contents, and dropped the empty plastic into the cyclic.  It took a lot longer to find the protein applesauce.  She turned to leave, cup in hand, and found the way blocked by a very large soldier.

    She moved over to the side, trying to non-verbally communicate that he could go past her.  He smiled at her, but he didn't move.   Jane felt her body tense. 

    "Whatcha gonna do Hallowell?"  someone taunted.  The soldier in front of her put his hands firmly down on either side of the counter.  The taunt making his smile grow.

    "Get out of my way." she said.  The soldier's smile disappeared.

    The reaction to Jane's words could be heard by way of a collective "ooh".

    The soldier smiled again. 

    Jane put her applesauce down on the counter, but before she could pull her hand away, the soldier had pinned both her hand and the applesauce to the counter with his.  Jane quickly put her other hand on the counter and used the leverage to swing her body up into the air.  The soldier was moving towards her, looking down at her.  She put her foot up on his thigh and twisted her body, using the momentum to slam her knee into his nose.  He brought his hands up to his face and Jane quickly jumped over the counter.

    Simultaneously the room erupted with clapping and hollering.  Jane was surrounded by soldiers full of congratulations.

    "Eight seconds!" someone shouted.  "She got him in eight seconds!" 

    All Jane could see was eyes and smiling faces and hands.  Someone was facing her; she was about to defend herself again.

    "Hallowell, that was awesome."  He slapped her on the back and then held out his other hand with the palm facing down.  When he turned it up, the applesauce was revealed. Jane grabbed her food and hurried out, leaving behind the rise and fall of voices. 

    The emergency shelters had been set up in the back of the room, near the cargo bay—two rows of four shelters.  Jane took one near the middle, away from the cargo bay, away from Captain's group near the cockpit.

    The empty applesauce container lay discarded on the floor next to the bottom bunk where Jane lay.  She wanted to sleep, she could feel the tiredness in her body, but she couldn't sleep.  Her mind was too cluttered, and as the minutes rolled by it became increasingly messy. She thought about home; she thought about her parents.  What had they done the moment they realized she was gone?  Jane knew they would have missed her, just not for the right reasons.

    Jane closed her eyes, and within seconds, fell asleep.  

    She was in her childhood home.  The song came from her bedroom, it was the one her mother had sung to her before bed. As a child Jane had asked for it every night, never fail; there was something about it that soothed her soul more than anything else.  Jane knew she didn't belong here, the song lulled her into her bedroom.

   But it wasn't her bedroom, it was the university. She looked at the faces of the sleeping children, put into hibernation on the day they were born.  Their lives didn't belong to them, they belonged to science, to human progress.  

   Jane turned away and found herself on the Holiday.  She could see the long list of daily checks hovering before her.  She knew she had to get started, there were so many checks to perform.  She tried to start, but she couldn't, something was missing.  She began to search for it, checking in layer after layer of compartments that were never really on the Holiday.  She knew she was getting close, but still it was kept from her.  

    Jane became angry.  Why did they do this?  She wanted to rest, why did they force her to keep going, endlessly going?  She was confused, then her confusion turned to fear.  She was running down corridors that never ended.  But suddenly she had to stop, right in front of her was a hibernation pod.  Dented and spraying oxygen from a hose on the side, Jane knew she shouldn't look inside the bed.  There was something more terrifying inside it than anything she had ever known before.  Every part of her told her not to do it:  Don't look or you will see; and when you see, you will know; and if you know, you will die.  Jane looked into the bed.  The other Jane opened her eyes. 

    Jane jolted awake. She checked her PD: she had only slept for 15 minutes. 

    She threw herself back down on the thin, gray mattress.  She shouldn't be here.  Jane let the feeling drown her; she shouldn't be here.  A new feeling began churning inside her, using the mess inside to climb higher and higher.  She had to get out of here.  Nothing could get the idea out of her head that she shouldn't be here.  She had to get off this planet! 

    Jane thought about the woman in the hibernation pod.  She pressed her eye lids tight together.  If only she hadn't uploaded her program.  All she had been doing was tying to help, but look at the help she had given her, given all of them.  She woke them up only to kill them.

The thought physically hurt Jane.  She curled up into the fetal position, pulled the thin metallic blanket to cover her entirely.  She could feel her PD in her pocket press into her leg.  What am I? she thought. A monster.  Her mind dwelt on that thought for only a moment before she let the anger take her.