Levi x Reader: Survival

Chapter 10 part 1

What have I done?

~ "general" POV ~

After shouting to (F/n) Levi dismissed the cadets and left the training grounds. The words he spat at you left a bitter taste in his mouth and he couldn't wash away the guilt.
He decided to go inside his office, take a shower and do some paperwork to keep his mind occupied: he didn't want to think at all at the moment.

After having washed, he sat at his desk and picked up his trusty quill, but nothing more happened. He just stared blankly at the first paper that needed his signature, and that was all.
No more than 30 minutes later he heard a loud banging at the door and after split second someone burst in, the door almost coming out of its hinges. Judging by the commotion caused, he supposed it had to be Hanji that came in, but didn't dare lifting his eyes to check, already knowing what to expect from her visit.

"LEVI WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" she shouted, banging her hands on the wooden and leaning over his desk, finally getting Levi's full attention.
Great, now he just had to have his ass handed by a mad scientist. Not that he didn't deserve it though.
He took a breath in and looked Hanji with half-lidded eyes. They were emptied of every emotion, only regret showing through the dull grey.
"Hanji... get out." he spoke half-heartedly, averting his gaze.

She already sensed that something was off when he didn't screamed at her while entering his office, but now she was sure of it: Levi never called her by her first name, only "Shitty Glasses" or something along those lines, he only did that if the matter was extremely serious.
She calmed down and sat in front of him, removing her glasses in the meantime and putting them above her forehead.

"Levi, some cadets told me what you said to (F/n) during the training... they said something about letting her go and kill herself...why would you say that? Please talk to me, I can't help you if you don't." she asked more politely this time, for she had to be the most delicate human being if she wanted to obtain something from him right now.

"...I... I..." he whispered, not even able to form a sentence.
"Levi...it's okay, take your time. I don't want an immediate answer, I just want to know the reasons that lead you to say those things. And possibly to help you fix the damage." she added.

Levi tried to slow his breath and calm down, but his mind was already full of the images of (F/n)'s tearful face and his heart started racing.
"Hanji I... I told her that... I never wanted to... she ran away... I... I'm sorry." he was struggling hard to keep his composure but his walls were crumbling down faster than he expected.

Hanji had never seen Levi like this. He was showing her his weakest side. She tentatively put her hand on Levi's and squeezed it softly. It was her subtle way to say to him "Relax, I only want to help you". She noticed that Levi didn't pull back, which was something absolutely odd, and waited for him to be ready.

After five minutes or so, Levi finally decided to speak, hoping this time his voice wouldn't betray him. He took in a sharp breath and started telling his story from the beginning.

"When we were outside, she did the impossible to save my ass Hanji. She risked her life more than once to keep mine safe. She even carried me on her back because I couldn't run when we were in front of the walls and some titans were chasing us. I wanted to let go of her, to let her run faster and save herself, God I didn't trust her even then... but she held me tighter than ever to prevent me from doing that and ran even faster. She made me promise that if I did let go then she... she would have killed herself... and so I held onto her. Hanji she risked getting herself killed just to keep a shit like me alive... I... I didn't deserve all of this. I didn't deserve her back then. And surely I don't deserve her now." Levi stopped talking and looked down in his lap in shame. Hanji squeezed his hand harder to let him know that she was there for him, listening to his story.
Levi inhaled and proceeded.

"When we came back I was worried she wouldn't wake up... then she showed up in the Hall and I was so relieved... I almost wanted to tell her that I... that I love her. But then that shithead of Erwin had to ruin it all and promote her to Squad Leader. Doesn't he know that she's not ready? Can't he see that she will give up her life just to save one of her subordinates? Does he really want her to die?" his grip on Hanji's hand was almost painful now so she struggled to free herself before speaking. She knew exactly what was going on Levi's mind when he dumped on (F/n). she wasn't exactly pleased but at least that was a start.

"So... you decided to humiliate her in front of everyone hoping that she would give up her position?"
He just nodded looking away. Now it was time for her to deliver her best advice.

"Levi... I know that you did all of this with the best intentions but... she, as you may have noticed, is as stubborn as you, maybe even more... I don't think she will change her mind. But let me tell you this: she may be generous and hard-headed and daring... but she's not a daredevil. She won't just throw her life away. She may do her best to save someone, but she won't give up her life just as easily. And I think I know why..." she added the last part with her signature crazed smirk, putting back on her glasses.

"Hanji don't start with your lovey dovey shit. She will hate me forever. She won't even want to see me after all I have done."
"That's not true Shorty. Sure, she's deeply hurt right now, but I'm sure she will forgive you if you sincerely apologize to her. She isn't one to hold a grudge." she reassured him.
"How can I do it? I don't even know where she went." inquired Levi.
"Just wait for her... that's the only advice I can give you. The words have to be your own." she smiled and took her leave, gently closing the door.

Levi sighed and leaned back on his chair, unsure of what to do. He took a peek at the window: the sun was almost set and there were still no traces of (F/n).

To be continued...