Know Yourself [] PJM & MYG/ Yoonmin []

Chapter 8: Suffering

The dorm was deadly quiet. Heavy with tension as the six members sat amongst the couches in the living room. All eyes trained on the tall figure of Namjoon pacing back and forth in front of them. Yoongi worrying everytime Namjoon turned, afraid he'd break something with his furious motions. Namjoon's chin protruded so much Yoongi wondered if he was going to unhinge his own jaw. He was growing impatient.
"Yah, Kim Namjoon," Yoongi said, his voice a little harsher than intended. "Just speak."
Namjoon glared down at him, "Hyung... What the fuck were you thinking?!"
Yoongi opened his mouth to speak but Namjoon read his mind, cutting him off, "You weren't fucking thinking! That's the problem! Hyung, you always think before you act. You never make rash decisions. You fucking punched Hobi in a public place! What if there were pictures or video?! What if Sejin-hyung and Hobeom-hyung can't fix this?! I told you your decisions effect all of us. None of this would have happened if-"
Jin kicked Namjoon's leg to shut him up. But Yoongi was already fuming, jumping to his feet. "...If I hadn't done anything with Jimin? You think I don't know that?! You think I don't know I'm acting crazy? I can't fucking stop myself," his glare whips to Hoseok, "This wouldn't have happened if Hoseok-ah hadn't of pulled DaWon-noona it this!"
Hoseok also jumped to his feet, "Don't fucking say her name! This isn't on her."
Yoongi stepped towards Hoseok, "No, it's on you! Because you can't accept me and Jimin-ah!"
Hoseok stepped forward too, face red with anger, "There's nothing to accept! You did something stupid and you're holding on to it for no reason!"
Jimin tried to interject but Hobi pushed the younger back onto the couch, taking another step towards Yoongi,"You should be ashamed of your own actions! You should apologize to Jimin for trying to Fuck with head and making him confused! Just because you're a fucking pervert!"
Yoongi arched his arm back to throw another punch but was suddenly pushed back, Jimin taking his own swing and landing his fist into Hoseok's face. Sending the older stumbling back in shock from the impact, staring at Jimin with wide eyes. Jimin stood in front of Yoongi, his stance protective as he yelled, "Fucking enough! I'm not-"
Before Jimin could speak another word, Hoseok grabbed his hand and drug him to their room. Yoongi tried following after but Jungkook and Namjoon pulled him back. Shaking their heads, urging patience. But Yoongi had snapped, patience a distant memory as he pulled free of their grasp. Sprinting towards the door and pounding it repeatedly.
It felt like he was knocking for hours as the other members tried to calm him. Finally Jimin opened the door. His normally sparkling eyes were dim, trained on the floor. Yoongi reached out instinctively but Jimin flinched away from his touch. The small action felt like a bullet to Yoongi's chest.
Jimin's voice was deep, sullen, "Hyung, just stop."
Another bullet. "Stop what, Jiminie?"
"This," The youngers voice broke a little. "We need to end this. Go back to the way things were before."
Each syllable tore through Yoongi's heart. Stunned and motionless and Jimin closed the door in his face. Yoongi stared at the dark Chery wood of the door. Until his body couldn't handle it and his legs collapsed beneath him, bringing him to his knees. Tears stinging his eyes, a lump swelling in his throat. He tried to hold back but the tears spilled over, streaming down his cheeks. The lump in his throat forcing out broken sobs. He felt stupid. He felt humiliated. He was on his knees, crying in front of his brothers, unable to move. He felt pathetic.
The four members came down the hall. Quietly placing their hands on Yoongi's shoulders and back. Their effort to comfort him only made him feel more pathetic. He had made himself vulnerable for the first time. He had given all of himself. And it wasn't enough.
Yoongi stumbled to his feet, dragging his unmotivated body to his room. Brushing past the concerning touches of the other members. Jin waved the others off and followed behind Yoongi. He could hear the eldest's cautious footsteps behind him. Yoongi fell onto this bed, burying his face in his pillow.
Finally, he broke. Yoongi cried harder than he ever had in his life. Screaming painful sobs into his pillow. Tears blurring his vision completely. His muscles tense with the burst of emotion flooding through him. He couldn't go back to the way they were before. Too much had happened. And Jimin's words had broken Yoongi into so many pieces he wasn't sure if he could be put back together.
In this moment of anguish, everything was crystal clear to Yoongi. He loved Jimin. He'd loved Jimin for years. He'd craved Jimin's laugh and smile everyday. All the nights they stayed up and drank together and talked. All those nights of watching the stars, were some of the happiest moments in Yoongi's life. It was Jimin's face he'd always seen in his loving lyrics. Jimin's melody he heard in each of his compositions. It was Jimin who encouraged him. It was Jimin who still smiled when Yoongi cursed at him. Jimin who was kind when Yoongi was grumpy. Jimin who was there whenever Yoongi was sick. Jimin who helped Yoongi work on his choreography. Everything had been Jimin. And Yoongi could see the truth now: Jimin had become Yoongi's everything.