A Love That Never Lasts (✔ Complete)

Chapter 11

I froze....

It was me...

Naked.

It was when I was in the bathroom last night trying on my dress for tonight.
I grabbed my bag and ran out of the room, I ran into the girls room.
I nearly burst into tears.

"So whos the slut again, remind me?" I felt tears roll down my face.

"Leave me alone" I cholked out.

I looked back to see she had disappeared.

A thought snapped into my mind like a photograph.

I grabbed my bag and threw it over my shoulder.
I stormed out the school, ignoring the laughs.
I passed Martin, his eyes full of anger and hurt.
He stepped forward but I ran out of the school heading for home.
If this is the useless life I have to live, then I don't want it anymore.

I unlocked my front door, nobody would be home.
Good.

I ran up the stairs to my brothers room and grabbed the recorder.
I ran into my room and locked my door.

I got the tape recorder and pressed record.

"Rachel, 2016 May 17."

I breathed in and out.

"I want everything to stop, the world, the people, the comments, the looks, everything. To stop. I made myself clear, no ones coming for me.
Some of you cared.
Not enough of you cared.
Sadly, after this tape, neither did I.
Im sorry.
And for when Im dead, when your all looking for signs, heres the scary thing.

It looks like nothing."

Stop.

I took a breath and stopped the tape.
I decided I was going to try one last time.

-

-

-
I lay on my bed, I decided to skip dinner.

I wasn't hungry.

My hair was messy, I didn't brush it.

My room was enloathed in darkness, the small light from the hall way appearing under my door, Its moments like this that were dangerous for me.

I was alone in my thoughts, my cliché '3am thoughts', you know those thoughts that relate to your current moment, where you lie in bed and stare at your ceilings of you room or that one object. You lie there and think about what could happen and the what ifs?

Yeah, those thoughts.

Heres one of them:

I was an awful sister, and my parents?
No wonder they are never around, they hardly wanted me in the first place.

I sat up in my bed, darkness greeting me as I opened my eyes.
I just stared round my room, the calmness of it all sending my anxiety into a dangerous silence.

I breathed slowly, wishing I could sleep, but I can't. The night terrors that would come after me, the mere thought of it sent the hairs on the back of my neck into stand by.

My mind went over the self pity and hatred I felt for myself, I hated myself, my hair, face, eyes, personality. Everything.

I was just a ghost.

(Model: Mariana Nery
I DON'T OWN THIS PHOTO OR CLAIM POSSESSION)

I walked into the bathroom, this was it, I opened the cabinate and pulled out the large dosage.

I felt tears roll down my face as the thoughts over whelm me. If one thing is for sure, nobody could love a broken girl like me.

The next thought hit me;

Im not broken,

"I just can't do this anymore..."
I whispered, before silently crying myself to which I will never awaken from.

Ever.