where is she..

16

Zeeha s p.o.v

I woke up to the sound of my alarm tone blaring in the bedside table indicating time for fair. What? How come i am in the bed, i slept in the prayer mat last night right? A smile crept through my lips when i realized who could it be. My one and only beautiful MUM.  I remembered during my childhood i always used to doze off im the sofa and miraculously found myself in my room thr next day.. I chuckled even though I am 18 I will always be that little girl to my mum.. Alhamdulillah.. I got up from the bed half heartedly and dragged myself to the washroom, brushed my teeth, washed my face and made wudhu, I came back to my room and spread out the prayer mat and started praying. The beautiful thing about surrendering yourself whole heartedly to the almighty is the peace and tranquility which occupies your mind and cleanses your soul from Within. I made dua for me, my family, friends, teachers and for the whole ummah and got up. After placing the prayer mat in the closet I walk towards the washroom to have a shower hoping at least it will lessen the pain of my throbbing head. I stood under the shower letting the ice cold water run over me. After shower I changed into my uniform and packed my bag with that I left saying Allah Hafiz to mum. Lucky chap zahi is still sleeping,

Even though I had about 15 minutes more for my bus to arrive, I left early, and started walking slowly towards the bus stop, it was still dark and quiet. A chilly wind started blowing adding to the calm climate of early morning 4: 45. I reached my bus stand deep in my thoughts, I looked at my watch it's luminous numbers showing me I have more 5 minutes for the bus.

My heart felt heavy from yesterday's thoughts, I donno why even small and tiny things had the ability to make me cry now"oh come on gal, where is the strong lady zeeha?" My mind argued " oh you mean the ex-strong girl zeeha? She is lost" I smirked. I was engrossed in arguing with my mind voice when I heard  my bus horn honking, I came out of my thoughts and simply got into the bus with the dua for travelling,

I arrived at school, the raw pain of loneiness and being alone increased with every step I took. I realized " how much strong you think you are or how sure you are about yourself, loosing one single thing which you thought is your life can do damage you so deep and make you a person ypou never dreamed of"  with a sigh I went into the classroom and took my regular seat, my head felt heavy and my mind fully blank, I never wanted this, I want to be the old zeeha, i want to skip classes and roam across the school with maira, i want to tease the crap out of ashu, I want to have lunch together with shayaan after school, I want a shoulder to cry as much as I want. It felt like a icy cold hand reaching out and squeezing out my heart when realization dawned on me that i have no one "no zee, you are not alone almighty allah is always with you, he sees what you are going through, he knows the pain you are bearing, he knows how hard you try to fight even though you could easily give up, be patient great things are on your way, remember the almighty doesn't burden a soul beyond what it can bear, you are Strong zeeha, you survive through all these, ypou can survive. Be strong" my mind interrupted. I nodded " yes I can" I said to myself. with great difficulty I gathered my self and started writing my notes,I felt my head paining making me unable to concentrate, I I ignored it and continued writing almost like I am fighting myself against me.
The first bell for the day started ringing with the announcement saying to perform the religious rituals for the day. I took my scarf and went to the ground where muslim students have gathered for prayers