the suicide hotline | ✔️

4.

i lied to the guy, and it's eating me alive. i don't even know why i'm so worried about it, it's not like he cares.

but i wanna call because it's lonely here.

i dial the number i've officially memorized and wait..
after 2 rings i hear the same familiar, soft yet so deep voice.

"hello, national suicide hotline. what's wro-" i cut him off quickly

"it's me again, i lied and it's been bothering me, i have no clue why either. it's not like you know me or anything so it shouldn't matter. but i just wanted to say that when you asked me how my home life was last night, i lied? yeah i lied." i release in one breath and let out a cry. why must i sound so dramatic, this is terrible.

"what's happening at home?" the familiar man asks concerned

"you really wanna know? you wanna know what i have to go through on a daily basis, im so damn used to it i should put into my calendar as a daily thing." i hesitate

i hear a deep sigh on the other line

"you're in for it, my life is filled with twists and turns like a unapologetic sappy movie, filled with cries and fake laughter. my mom was put into a daze... no she was hypnotized by my drunken 'father' who sleeps by my locked door at night, constantly banging on it, slurring his words like an old mess he is. sometimes i wonder what i did so wrong to deserve it. she cheers him on, and i have nobody left."

"......" all i heard on the other line was white noise

what's this guys problem. he asked me what goes on at home.

i think to myself

"i'm here to listen to more." he responds slowly

i stay frozen with confusion.

"i'm the only kid, 18 years old and just graduated high school. not to mention, i was accompanied alone."

"you've been hurt.. a lot... you build a wall and shut people out. because you've been hurt so much that you're frightened and you don't wanna get hurt again. you act coldly towards people before they can do it to you."

"..." honestly, what does this man know about anything, I'm almost positive he's never had to be in this hard of a positive ever in his life, who does he think he is.

"incorrect..." i sigh and look at my lap.

"i know i am correct. you're like me."

i look at myself in the mirror and think to myself "maybe he's right' he doesn't need to know that though.

"you're gonna get through it, just hold on a bit longer please?" he pleads with a quiet tone

"... y-yeah."

i need to go to sleep, the phone call is absolutely tiring me out

'beep.' i hang up and regret it.

"why do i keep hanging up on him."

i hop into bed and fall asleep with a new hope of survival.