the suicide hotline | ✔️

21.

i go out to the living room and see wendy soundlessly sleeping, i can't help but lean up against the counter and think about how much she actually means to me.

i had no one 2 weeks ago, and now i have someone.

wendy, my feelings towards you are outrageous.

i plan on to protect you for as long as i can,when you're with me no one can hurt you. my heart pounds so quickly when i'm around you and i don't have the guts to tell you in real life so i have to tell you when you're sleeping, unconscious.

one day, soon i will reveal my feelings to you and i wish and hope you will allow me to be with you, so i can be your lifesaver. i have officially found my reason to continue to live, and i'm living for you now. i'm gonna make you happy like you've never been before.

i will see your smile, daily. i'm so motivated to keep you alive and happy.

you will never understand what i'm saying because it's all in my mind and you're not awake.

my heart beats so quick when you're staring at me or smiling at me. just you speaking to me makes me smile.

god. wendy...
i have feelings for you.

it's the first time my heart has raced this quickly,
i snap out of it and walk back into my room and fall asleep, nothing on my mind but this girl. the one i've been countlessly thinking about for so long.

once i wake back up in the morning, i head out and realize i have work.

i get my uniform on quickly and go into the restroom, brushing my teeth. i fix myself up looking presentable and go grab my keys.

i find wendy still asleep and i decide to text her later that i left to work.

i get outside and get in my car, starting my route to the coffee shop.

i arrive about 10 minutes later, luckily my boss didn't come in today since the incident.

i take my normal customers orders and brew our rounds of coffee, starting peoples day.

once i finish with my shift i clock out and get back into my car.

i am on my way home just as usual and i get home around 20 minutes later. i go up into the apartment and unlock the door, spotting Wendy on the couch, from what it looks like taking a nap since my shift.

i change out of my uniform and back into normal day clothes.

i sit onto my bed exhausted from work, and i feel myself dazing off for a nap.

i end up falling into a deep sleep and i hear a voice not to be reckoned with.

"you know i'll always love you son." i hear my father say and i cry as he hands me a toy and begins to drive far away into the distance.

i shake my head unable to comprehend anything and i feel the tears streaming down my face, soon enough someone grabs my hand and my dream disintegrates. i look up and see wendy, a concerned look.
behind her the clock reads 11:56pm

"are you okay? i heard you crying." she asks and kneels down on the bed.

i turn my face away so she can't see my tears and she clicks her tongue in response.

she grabs me by my shoulders and pulls me into a hug, and it makes me cry even more.

i've never got this much closure from anyone and just her allowing me to cry in front of her, and not hide my feelings like i'm so used to feels great.

i rest my head on her shoulder and she allows me to hug her until i calm down and my breathing goes back to normal.

"it's okay, i'm here.." she retorts and i loosen my grip.

i would have made a move on you a long time ago, wendy. but you aren't ready for that. i don't even know if you like me.

once she pulls away, she turns her gaze on me and i look away once again.

"w-what was your nightmare about?" she asks me curiously, i look at my bed confused and i respond in a upset voice.

"...it was when my father left me when i was 9." i explain and wipe my tears quickly

"it's all good though, i'm fine. you can go back to sleep now." i break my eye contact with her and fidget, trying to hide my feelings.

i don't wanna act sensitive like this, but i'm just a sensitive person and things like this choke me up.

"no i'm not gonna go to bed." she argues, and i look back at her who's below the bed.

"w-what? just go to bed." i respond looking away

"no." she sighs and i quickly follow along with her.

"it's not fine, and you're not gonna go back to bed like this, acting like you're okay when you're the one who told me before that it's okay to not be okay. so no i'm not leaving." she responds in a huff and i roll my eyes, still affected by this dream.

the dream which felt like a nightmare to me, that was the day my life came crashing down. slowly but surely.

i give up arguing, letting out a sigh and i scoot down in my bed patting the empty spot next to me and she follows slowly.

i turn away in a huff and put a pillow in between us.

i hear shuffling and turn to see her moving the pillow back to the way it was before.

"stop moving it brad. it's not like we're doing anything." she continues as i murmur quietly "yes i'm aware.."

"i didn't know how grumpy you get when your tired."

"a minute ago you couldn't let go of me, when we hugged... now you turned your back towards me."

"i'm not grumpy or tired. i was just acting out." i protect myself and i feel a soft push on my back.

"yeah. acting out. good night." wendy says softly

"good night." i wish back and quickly fall asleep.

my heart fluttered before saying goodnight to you, and my mind is still on you.