Cinnamon Summer [EDITING]

Chapter 19

//So guys, this is double update and this is the second part. The first part is already uploaded. So if you guys haven't read the first one, please go and check it. Thank youuu!//

Ilhoon's POV

"I hate you..." I told him. I wipe of some tears falling down on my face. And I know that he is shocked from seeing me like this. I bet he never thought that I would be here but unfortunately, I am close with Peniel hyung, and I intentionally come here just to meet him because I am sure that he will come too.

"I hate you very much." I told him again. After he left me, I thought I would be fine. But every time I found myself aching and breaking, the first person comes to my mind was him. I hate him with the reasons for everything. I hate him for wearing that stupid smile when all he does is making me cry. I hate him for making me feel like flying when I am, actually, falling, drowning and suffocating. I hate him for not holding me. I hate him for leaving me and that he did not even try.

"I...am sorry." He said. After several minutes of watching me sobbing, he speaks. Asshole.

"Why did you leave me?" I asked. I am going to ask him that question until he actually tells... because I need to.

"I am sorry." Again.

"Why did you even kiss me if you plan to leave me?" I asked him. Seriously, Im Hyunsik is someone who knows how to make people feel useless.

"I...didn't plan to kiss you. I was-"

"Oh, so you did plan to leave me? Is that what you are saying? You are planning to leave me after you fucked me? but you couldn't finish your plan because you think I am so pitiful so you just leave me before you could fuck me in the club."

"Jung Ilhoon!" he raised his voice.

"That is not true...None of the thing you said is true. I never plan to do those things to you because I was..." he paused and I heard him let out the deep sigh and I did too. "because I was so scared that I might hurt you." he said. That is something that I don't understand at all.

But I never care about the pain whenever I am with him...

"Can't you see that I am giving all of myself to you that night? I didn't care about the pain..." I heard my voice cracked a bit at the end but I continued. "I didn't care because I wanted you. yeah... I said it. And I am going to say it clearly. I want you. I want you so much. That's why I went to the club where you were with your friends. And I purposely kiss you. But you know what? If you worry about hurting me, then you shouldn't have kissed me back then you know. You can't give someone hope and then leave without telling a thing." I said, and yeah, fuck this crying and fuck this heart beating so fast.

I am sure he knows that he is very much fucked up by now. But I continued anyway. He has every right to know how I am feeling, no, how I am suffering.

"You, you were not supposed to stare at me upon the rooftop. You were not supposed to let me win in every stupid game that we played. You were not supposed to give me butterflies and everything that I've never felt before. You are not supposed to care about me. You are not supposed to do anything that could make me feel safe. And you know what, you are not supposed to be afraid that you might hurt me because... all you do was making me feel happy."

"Ilhoon ah...I didn't know." Of course, he didn't. Im Hyunsik will never know.

"I didn't want to give you pain because I know that this thing shouldn't be happening. But... don't you see that I am the obstacle?" he said. I hate that we are arguing like this. I really hate it but here we are getting into this shitty argument about the shitty feelings that we have never confessed.