Cinnamon Summer [EDITING]

Chapter 20

Hyunsik stayed in the store room for a while and come out. He saw Minhyuk, Sungjae, Peniel and Eunkwang looking at him with shocking face...probably because his nose is very red from crying too much.

"What the actual fuck" Minhyuk said.

"I...I am so sorry but I have to leave." Hyunsik knows it is very rude to leave early at Peniel's farewell party. But he has to leave. He broke the boy's heart already. He has no right to stay and face Ilhoon like nothing happen.

"Take care, Peniel." He said.

"Thank you Hyung. And you, too. Take care." Peniel shows his bright smile. And the older beamed the smile back.

Then he left.

Maybe because he is not wearing his coat, he feels so cold. He feels like his veins freeze and blood stops running. He feels his hands shaking and tears falling down, and that his heart is aching. It is aching so bad.

"Why did you even kiss me if you plan to leave me?" yeah...why did he do that? Hyunsik has no answer for it. Ilhoon voice crosses his thoughts again.

"You were not supposed to give me butterflies and everything that I've never felt before."

Did he? ...Did he really give butterflies to Ilhoon? But when was that exactly? He does not know when but if that was the long time ago, then Ilhoon must have fallen for him quiet a long time.

"You are not supposed to be afraid that you might hurt me because... all you do was making me feel happy."

"Do you think it is easy for me to accept that I fucking like a guy? Like oh yeah, I think I like this guy. Do you think that's fucking easy?"

"Or are you scared?"

"Because we are lovers and that's what I am going to call us! Lovers get broken together, lonely together. So that they can share their feelings together."

"I am so tired now, hyung. I don't want to fight anymore."

"So...I guess, just like you said, we should stay at where we are, not risking anything."

Fuck.

Hyunsik starts to think every word that Ilhoon said. It hurts him, leaving the invisible scars on his heart. This pain is unbearable. This is the kind of pain that doctors cannot explain. It is suffocating and blocks you from breathing. Your lungs will not operate well just like your heart. And as the result, the tears will fall down and your head will be hurt like hell. That is the pain you get when your heart is broken. Hyunsik stops the car and drives off beside the street. He will die from accident if he keeps driving with tears filling his eyes.

Hyunsik cries so hard, putting his hand on his left chest where his heart beating in abnormal pace. My oh my...it hurts. Suddenly Ilhoon's face crying in tears, pops out in his head and that hurts too. His boy can't cry like this and he shouldn't be the cause of it.

"I hate you so much" Hyunsik remembers Ilhoon's cracking voice. Ouch... hearing him Ilhoon's voice cracked hurts him and on top of that, he said he hated him. Ouch ouch ouch... Hyunsik struggles breathing thinking about their conversation inside the little store room.

And for the first time in his life, Hyunsik realizes he messed everything up. To be honest, the promise has never been the actual reason. What if the promise never exists...at least not for Hyunsik? Because he already broke the promise once he touched the boy. What if he kissed him because he has no plan to leave? What if... what if he did not want to leave Ilhoon long before he made the stupid promise? What if he kissed the boy because he loves him so much it hurts and because he wanted to make him his?