With You ✔

20

Ellie

As we pull into the parking lot at the hospital I realize that I'm shivering, maybe I've been shivering since we got in the car an hour ago, I don't know. All I can think of right now is Kit and what terrible thing has happened, what his secret is and how things are going to be from now on. Finn passes row after row of empty parking spaces and pulls up to the front doors of the hospital. I look over at him, confused, and I'm met with a ghost of the boy I know.

All the energy has drained from him, his eyes are red, and his curls are sticking up in all directions from all the times he's run his hands through them. When I look into his eyes I can see his fear, his sadness, his worry, and his stress staring back at me. I can only imagine what he sees when he looks at me. I'm sure I look similar, my outsides matching the tangled ball of nerves and uncertainties that are eating away at my insides. "Are you not coming in?"

"I'll be back, I'm just going to go grab some clothes for you and mom." He tries to smile, but he just can't seem to do it, "He's in room 203."

I nod my head and turn to get out of the car, pausing to take one last deep and calming breath -which doesn't do me much good. "Ellie."

My hand is still on the door handle when I turn back to him, "Yeah?"

"Please don't be mad at him."

"Why would I be mad at him?" I think back to the text Kit had sent me before all of this. Did something actually happen?

"For not telling you sooner. He's been through a lot and he thought that this was all for the best. He didn't want to burden anyone, so he tried to cut everyone out of his life...but he really cares about you, Ellie. He didn't want to drag you in to this but he couldn't help it, and you're so good for him."

Ever since that day that I tried to take him to the nurse, I knew there was something wrong with Kit. I've known this whole time, and I never pushed him to tell me because I knew that he would tell me when he felt it was the right time. I never cared that he was keeping it from me, because I was always afraid that it would be something bad - and now I know that it's bad. But I'm not mad, I can't be mad because I know that he had good intentions and that he's even more scared than I am right now. "I won't be mad at him, Finn."

"And you're not mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad at you?"

"Because I didn't tell you either. I encouraged him to talk to you and - "

"Finn, I'm not mad at you. You were just respecting Kit's decision and being a good brother." I reach over the seat and pull him into a hug because he looks like he's on the verge of another breakdown. When he wraps his arms around me and hugs back I remember the second part of what he said, "And I will never be mad at you for encouraging him to talk to me, because he's good for me too. You both are."

I pull away and the small smile that he was trying to force moments ago is faintly present, "Thanks, El."

"You know I'm here if you need me, right?"

"Right. Now go, maybe he's awake." He motions towards the hospital and I get out of the car, waving goodbye to Finn before walking through the doors and over to the nurses station to ask where room 203 is.