If I could do it all again

Chapter 10

Newt's P.O.V~

Thomas had slept the rest of the day away after having so much of his blood taken. I left the Homestead to go get him some food after finally gotten Alby to agree to telling the other Gladers the night before we have to leave. "Newt." I turn quickly to look at him to see him making a similar expression Tommy had before. "Make sure that telling everyone doesn't kill them." I nod before leaving. "I will I promise. Make an announcment about it now though, when everyone is in one place." He nods and follows me out of the Homestead. "Sup Newt." I smile as Fry holds out two plates of food. "Thanks Fry." He laughs handing them over. "Can't have the Greenie dying on us now can we?" I laugh and take them from him. "No that would be bad." Oh you have no idea how bad that would be. When I got back into the Med-Jack hut Tommy was still fast asleep. "Tommy, Tommy! Come one get up!" He sits up slowly blinking a few times. I hold the plate out to him which as usual makes him wake up properly. "Thanks Newt." I laugh and take the seat next to the bed.

When me and Tommy had eaten he patted the spot next to him and budged up. I only just noticed he had been moved onto an actual bed at some point. I place the plates on the chair I was using and lay next to him on the bed. "We're telling them tomorrow night. That should give us enough time to inject everyone and pack what we need." He nods and wraps his arms around me. "Right. You realise not everyone is going to believe us straight away right? And if they don't I doubt they'll just let us inject them." I sigh and curl into him slightly. "I know Tommy. And we have to deal with her aswell." I feel him nod slowly. "We can deal with her when she wakes up. Right now my priority is getting as many people out as possible." Smiling I closed my eyes letting sleep wash over me.

When I woke up Tommy wasn't there. I looked over quickly to see Teresa still fast asleep, meaning she hadn't dragged him somewhere, but I needed to know where he'd gotten off to. Especially with the amount of blood he lost yesterday. I stood up and left the hut to see what looked like an argument between Tommy and Gally. I guess some things never change. "No! Gally it's not happening!" Gally turns to me and points at Tommy. "Please for the love of god Newt, talk some sense into your boyfriend!" I sigh and turn to him. "Newt, he wants us to leave him at the end of the maze. When we jump off the cliff and open the door he wants Ben to throw a spear through his chest so we have a way into the last city." I looked back at him in shock. But before I could say anything the two of them were arguing again. Ben just stared at me hoping I would intervene. I shook my head so he just walked around them to stand next to me. "Look, you need a way into The Last City right? How are you going to get one without me?" Tommy sighed and gestured to Ben. "Look, I already broke you two up once without even meaning to. I am not going to do it again on purpose!" Gally threw his hands up in frustration. "Think about it shank, how else are you going to get through?" Tommy pointed his hand out at Ben. "Okay so say we do need you. So what?What? You want him to do it to you? To have to pretend for months that your dead? I've gone down that route Gally, to be the course of death for the person you love. It hurts so godamn much that somedays you can't even see the point in getting out of bed. And that's when they're actually dead. So what you want to have him have to pretend like you're dead. That he killed you for months. It took us 8 months to get to you Gally, I will not make him pretend that he's killed you for 8 months! It's not happening Gally, we'll find another way." Gally goes to rebut with something else but he's interrupted. "Gally, please, just stop. I don't want Ben to have to do what I did. Real or not, killing the person you love affects you so much you don't even realise it at first. It's only after a day or so that it hit's you what you've done. Please just, drop it." It's the first time, in a long while that I've heard him so soft spoken. But without even waiting for a response he walks off towards the Map Room. "Tommy!" He doesn't turn around, he seems to walk a bit faster. I turn to Ben and Gally to see Gally staring after him. Realising what he just suggested. Ben looked over to me. "Go after him, he'll need you right now. I'll talk to Gally." I nod and head off to the map room.

What I heard from inside was heart breaking, it was Tommy crying. But not crying, he was sobbing. "Is he alright?" I look over to see Ben and Minho stood infront of me. I shake my head slightly. "No, I think after what happened with Gally everything just hit him all at once. He hasn't really come to terms with everything yet. He cried when we got here but not like this. This is him actually realising everything we have to go through, and him mourning for all that we've lost." Ben places a hand on my shoulder. "Go in Newt, I'm sure he'll want to see you." I nodded opening the door to see Tommy inside scratching at his stiches. "Thomas!" I ran forwards and grabbed his hand. "Why would you do that?!" He looked up at me still sobbing trying to get his hand free. Before he could wriggle it free completley Minho ran forwards and grabbed it. "I can't do it Newt. I can't do it again. I can't. It was bad enought the first time. But we had hope because we didn't know what was going to happen. But now we do. We know that WCKD are liars, that they'll hunt us down. I'm almost certain that Teresa will betray us again. But Newt, I don't want to risk losing you again. Newt, it hurt so much. So god damn much, I couldn't sleep for weeks without dreaming of it. I couldn't close my eyes without seeing you almost past the gone. But I couldn't stand the nights. They were the worst, dead silence and the only thing filling it was you saying you hated me." He fell forwards and placed his head on my chest. "Don't make me go through it again. I don't want to be that Thomas again, the one that always had to have a plan, the one who lost nearly everyone he cared about, the one who killed his best friend and watch as another pushed me off a collapsing building. The one who had gone through so much that he couldn't sleep, who couldn't stop hearing noises when there was nothing there. The one who couldn't see the point in living any more and the only reason he kept on going was to stop Minho being on his own again. The one who couldn't even do that one simple task and left him on his own." He stopped speaking and his body had gone limp against my own. He had stopped crying a few seconds before and was now just lying there. I looked up at Minho. Then at Ben. Silently praying one of them would have a solution to this. Neither appeared to and just stared back at me blankly.

It's weird not knowing what do. Almost as weird as seeing Tommy break down like that. I haven't ever seen him do that before. No matter how much stress he was put under. Is that how he was when he got back to the Safe Haven, where they all like that? Before anyone could speak he sat up. "Sorry. I just, everything just kinda hit me and I forgot how to breath and started crying. I pulled him into a hug as Minho and Ben sat back down. "Sorry I don't usually cry like that I swear." Minho smiles and places his hand on his shoulder. "We all crack sometimes. After everything you two have been through I'm suprised Newt hasn't cracked yet." I laugh before looking over at him. "Oh I have, it just happened much sooner. It happened the second day he was here. Less so than this though." Tommy sat up wiping at his eyes laughing. "I bet you two find it hard to believe I did any of the stuff the last time round huh?" Minho and Ben both shake their heads. But it's Ben who speaks. "Nah, like Minho said everyone cracks sometimes. And I'm a firm believer in the statement of 'the higher they rise, they harder they fall.' So I guess you only just fell. Good thing it didn't happen in The Maze  though eh?" Tommy laughed and smiled at him. "Yeah that would be disastrous." I place my hand on top of his as the three of them laugh. I'll never understand about how runners can joke about that thing. "You good now?" He nods quickly intertwining our fingers. "Yeah, I'm all good. Sorry you had to find me like that. But I'm fine now, managed to get it all out of my system." I smile softly. "Good that." Minho laughs standing up. "Come on. We need Gally to start preparing for tonight. The meeting's almost here." The three of us stand up and head out of the hut. "You wanna sit this one out?" He shakes his head slowly. "Nah, probably should but whe  do I listen to reason?" I laugh and nudge our shoulders together. "There's my Tommy." The four of us laugh and head to Fry's kitchen where Gally walks over to us and apologises to Tommy. He tells him not to worry as Ben takes Gally's hand in his.