Hold You Down

Chapter 7 - Mixed Emotions

Archie reached for his phone, again, noting that only forty-five minutes had passed since they had woken up.

He look back down at Veronica, who could barely keep herself awake at this point. He started to feel guilty.

 Yesterday it had been so easy to focus on her mistakes and betrayal, but now he feels partly responsible for this mess.

As much as Archie had tirelessly apologized, and promised to make it up to her, he was still angry with himself for exposing her secret carelessly. He keeps rationalizing his actions,  trying to convince himself that he was so drunk and devastated by her lie, but Archie knows deep down that he wanted to hurt her that night, humiliate her in front of everyone she knew. 

That's how he had felt when Cheryl broadcasted the news to him for a second time, more convincingly, but nothing could prepare Archie for Veronica's admission that followed Cheryl's accusations. There he was standing in the middle of the party, anger rapidly travelling through his blood stream, as he questioned further for the truth. Every answer she gave had felt like a knife to the heart. And in a moment of weakness, Archie started to rattle of nasty accusations, making several revelations about her shameful past, and storming out coldly brushing his shoulder against hers on his brisk way out of the party. Laying there, with Veronica somewhat in his arms, strangely felt like some sort of win, a fucked up win. If she could forgive him for reacting so inappropriately to the news of her abortion, then he too must find some way to forgive her. Although Archie was really hurting, he also wanted to take away the pain he had caused her as well.

He groaned at the realization that it was now technically Monday, and that in less then 5 hours they would have to be functional human beings, that seemed unlikely.

"Hey" he said softly to her, trying to signal a temporary truce, due to his rising guilt, "I'm sorry too" he says, and she knows he means it. "Archie, please don't apologize anymore, you deserved to know, and I took that from you, and made a huge mess out of our relationship" she said slowly moving closer to him and squeezing his hand.

"I get why you said those things, because I wasn't letting you in enough before, and part of me knew that you would probably always be there waiting, and that's not fair to you... But now I know what it's like to feel like I'm really loosing you, and I'm so scared because I don't know what I would do without you?" she breathes uneasily trying to calm her shaky voice."Ronnie..." he begins, and it feels good to hear him use that nickname again, he hadn't since she had confessed to sleeping with Reggie.

"Even last year, when we had broken up, and I literally wanted to kill you, I still loved you, and the only reason I got through that gruelling month, was because I knew that when I was able to get past the lies and broken promises, that you would still be there, waiting for me to take you back. No one has ever made that as mad as you have, but I've also never loved anyone the way I love you Archie" Veronica spoke, and Archie nodded, he understood exactly what she meant, he too was hoping that this would pass. He really understood, she also drove him crazy, getting him madder than he's ever been, similarly to what happened at the party. They had a passionate relationship, but sometimes, if he was being honest, being angry with her only made him want to hold onto her tighter, because after the anger came the most intense sensation of love. Feeling like no one has ever loved and desired you before that moment. He knew that fighting and fucking seemed twisted, but at this point, so were they.

There should be nothing holding him back from kicking her out and never speaking to her again Archie thinks, 'she got rid of your baby, without even telling you! Then she fucked your mate, why are you still craving her?'. He can't come up with an answer but even the thought of letting her go scares him. He would be left a shell of the man he used to be.  Archie can't remember what life was like before her, and he can't picture the future without her. "I don't want to loose you either" he whispers sadly, knowing that he was caving. "You're tired" he tells her, "go back to sleep Ronnie" he says and her prayers have been silently answered. She mumbles something incoherent, then rolls away from him falling into back into a deep sleep in a matter of minutes.