Hold You Down

Chapter 15 - Selfish Love

"Are you tired?" Archie asks Veronica.

She shakes her head "I feel like I've been asleep for two days, are you?" she returns to sentiment.

"No" he shakes his head as well, "do you think we could talk?" he ask with uncertainty.Archie doesn't know whether now would be a good time to press his questioning, especially about such painful memories when she was this fragile, but he fear of her being sent off to rehab any day now was forcing him to acknowledge his worries. 

Veronica just nods, looking back down at her lap once again.

Archie tenses up, signalling to his girlfriend that he was about to ask some difficult questions.

"How long?" is all Archie manages to say, Veronica looks at him seeking further clarification, because at this point he could be referring to numerous things she's been keeping from him."The drugs, Veronica" he says letting out a heavy sigh, and running his hand over his face. Archie is saddened by the thought of her using drugs again, he knows it's to create a false sense of happiness which worries him.

"Recently" she admits, but he can't figure out whether or not she's telling the truth.Sitting across from him on the edge of the bed, Veronica watches her boyfriend peer into her eye with uncertainty, she can tell he is having a hard time taking her word for it.

"When exactly?" he says, knowing that her habit started before she had slept over at his house and dipped into his Father's morphine pills, which he was furious about.

"The night of the party I did some coke, I already told you" her words slip out a little more annoyed then she anticipates, but Veronica has so much anger directed at herself that she's projecting the guilt and rage at Archie's questioning.

"You didn't tell me that you stole my Dads morphine pills" he spits back in anger, and Veronica looks at him in shock, having no idea how he would of figured that one out, maybe her boyfriend was more clued in then she had been giving him credit for?

Veronica doesn't say anything, just hangs her head down and start to cry, the guilt is overpowering her ability to remain cool, calm and collected. The disappointment and distrust etched onto Archie's face too unbearable for her to look at. He doesn't try to comfort her this time.

"Why?" he asks shakily trying to stand his ground, but having a hard time watching Ronnie cry in front of him.

"I couldn't sleep" she offers, but he knows it's not the whole truth.

Archie looks at Veronica settling down and wiping the tears off of her make-up less face, still being drawn in by her natural beauty.

"How long is it going to take for me to get the whole truth from you Veronica, how stupid do you think I am? I know you didn't sneak into my bathroom and raid the medicine cabinet because you just couldn't sleep" Archie starts sounding more and more annoyed.

"It was selfish, I'm so sorry, I've been feeling so consumed in guilt and self loathing that I just really wanted an escape from my thoughts, and everything that was happening" she says looking at Archie with sad eyes.

"You've been doing a lot of selfish things lately" he starts, "but why? Is it because of the abortion? Are you hurting me now because you have built up resentment?" he looks at her after opening up and divulging his fear, he can see her thinking deeply about the answer, as if she hadn't confronted that question herself yet.

"I'm mad at myself too, I know we've exhausted the abortion talk, and all of your reasons, fears, and insecurities at the time, but how do you feel now?" he decides to ask a lighter question, noting that he'll uncover more if he's not coming from a place of judgment.