Hold You Down

Chapter 9 - Unconscious Thoughts

Veronica is staring up at the pierce fluorescent light in the ambulance, laying on the gurney, as she finally stopped vomiting. 

Everything around her was moving quickly, but her she felt like she was barely processing any information, her body was moving at half their pace. She could see Betty, in the corner, next to the other EMT who was re-checking Veronica's vitals.

Betty looked hysterical, a red face, tear stained cheeks, and smudged mascara. Then Veronica slowly turned her head over, to see her Mother, who has also noticeably been crying. Hermione is holding Veronica's hands, kneeling next to her gurney in the ambulance. Veronica can see her Mother's lips moving, but there's too much other noise interfering with Veronica's level of comprehension. Her eyelids are getting heavier, and within moments everything becomes dark. Veronica lost consciousness for mere seconds, but to her it felt like an eternity, and all she could think about was her relationship with Archie.

Complicated was how she would describe them, their entire relationship had been riddled with complications. Much to Veronica's surprise, every obstacle they had faced in the past had made them stronger.

 At first, there was Betty, and the closet, and Veronica's loyalty to her, then, new friend. Now thinking back to time when Betty had feelings for Archie seemed so long ago, even after Veronica found out about the kiss between Archie and Betty she was able to get past it, something that at the beginning of their relationship would have been her biggest insecurity. 

After Fred Andrews' was shot Archie had gone off the deep end, and she was desperately trying to pull him back from the ledge, which she had mostly failed to do, but had she not been there, Archie would have suffered a worse fate due to his tunnel vision for revenge, and careless vigilante-like actions. Not even a full 24 hours into their relationship, things had become heavily complicated by Fred getting shot, they became intense, and Archie was depending on her more and more everyday. 

She thinks of herself a year ago, terrified when she heard the words 'I love you Ronnie' come out of his mouth, and heartbroken when she couldn't say them back. That too was weird to think about, considering that it had become a fact about her; Veronica Lodge, 5'2, dark hair, tan skin, brown eyes, loves Archie Andrews. After the first break-up the honey moon phased had been amazing, Archie was the most amazing and protective boyfriend ever, and soon it became easy to admit to him what she already knew, that she was madly in love with him. 

The second time Archie and Veronica broke up was far more painful. She had a suspicion about her Father, and Archie's constant private chats, so she did some snooping on both ends, finding ample evidence in both her Dads office and her boyfriends room to convict them both of being liars. She had never felt this betrayed, it hurt so much, that Veronica was certain she wouldn't ever get past that intense sadness. In the end they had gotten through that as well. He had pleaded with her, and she knew that she had brought him in to her chaotic world, and his involvement with her Father came from fear, and his noble need to protect her, even if he had gotten swindled into doing Hiram's dirty work.

 She felt as though, when it came to Archie she knew how to handle things. But not this time, not after having fucked up so grandly. 

A week ago, Archie had found out, thanks to Cheryl's uncontrollable need for revenge, that Veronica had indeed had an abortion, even though she had told him that there was 'absolutely no truth to that rumour whatsoever' and he believed her. She knew he would never understand, but she didn't want this to effect there relationship, and she also knew that Archie wouldn't be able to compartmentalize this information like she had. 

Veronica handled her brief pregnancy very secretively. She had a bad feeling as soon as she noticed that she had missed two pills in row of her birth control, knowing that Archie never pulled out either. They had sex constantly, Veronica knew there was a possibility but she still wasn't due for her period, regardless she would take a test later that day. She wasn't overly panicked yet, because Veronica knew that if she was in fact pregnant, her decision would be to have an abortion. 

She didn't feel any guilt about it at the time, nor was she aware of how it would affect her, and how behaviour towards Archie in the passing months. Veronica kept the secret from him, to avoid yet another complication, but mainly because she knew that his feelings and emotions about this would have a lasting effect on them. 

She knew that Archie couldn't handle this information, it was October, school was picking up, football, music and scholarships all on there forefront of Archie's mind, he had been so stressed during that time, particularly about his financial future, adding pressure on himself to get a grant or bursary so that he could pay for college. Veronica knew that she would feel forever guilty if she had distracted Archie or jeopardized his future in way, because of her irresponsible actions. So when the test indicated two pink lines, positive, Veronica had immediately booked her abortion before breaking down. 

Her emotions were controlling her for the few days before her appointment. Her mother was keenly aware of this, and was never above snooping through her daughter's bedroom and personal belongings in order to help her daughter, Hermione told herself. In this case, her intuition had been right, Hermione shuffled through Veronica's stuff until eventual stumbling upon a carefully tucked away pregnancy test, that read positive. 

Veronica never would've imagined that her mistake would change her relationship with her mother for the better. 

Veronica's parents had been separated for awhile now, for the best, her Father's return from prison a year ago had turned Hermione cold, but since the summer, and Hiram's moving out of the Pembrooke, and Riverdale to go back to New York, Veronica's relationship with her Mother had improved, at this point their bond was the open, honest, unconditional loving relationship between a mother and her daughter. Hermione had been angry, but nonetheless supportive of every decision Veronica had made. The day of the procedure was extremely difficult, Veronica was a nervous wreck, but Hermione helped her through it every step of the way. The experience helped Veronica trust her Mother again, wholeheartedly. She knew now, having going through it, that she had been naive to underestimate the impact it would have on her emotionally and physically, and silently thanked god that her Mother had found out, because she could not have gone through it alone.  

Hermione did once, mention to her daughter, that if she was choosing to lie about the pregnancy and abortion now, that she could never go back, that it would be very painful for Archie to find out later rather than sooner, but Hermione also sensed her daughter's fear, so she never pressed harder about it. 

Veronica remained adamant about keeping the secret from Archie, to protect him, like he had done for her countless times.