Smash!

•T H I R T Y N I N E•

Author's note: Robin and Jamie have a scene where they talk about what's expected of women. This scene is inspired from my own mother and heritage, and how women are seen as baby makers and wifes before as people with their own ideas and goals. This scene and chapter have been planned from the beginning of the book, and I hope everyone interprets it in a way that relates to them.

Jamie's POV

When my green eyes open, they immediately land on Riley. He's asleep across from me, his body uncomfortably curled up on the lowered driver's seat, with his boots hanging off the edge. His dark head uses the headrest as a makeshift pillow, leaving his cut up face directly in front me.

In the same position, Robin restlessly sleeps on the passenger seat by my feet. Her eyes frantically bobbling under her smudged smokey eye lids, making me wonder if this is how she falls asleep sober. Today might be the first time I see her without a hangover in the morning.

I don't remember when or how I stretched out across the backseat. I don't remember Robin and Riley draping their black hoodie and leather jacket over me like a blanket either.

The car is frigid with the December weather. So freezing all the windows are coated with a thin layer of frost. Carefully sitting up, I try not to make a sound or stir Killer awake, who is using me for warmth, tightly curled up against me under Riley's hoodie. My joints groan in protest as I straighten out, the back of my neck, my lower back, and my knees feeling like someone took a baseball bat to them.

The overwhelming need for space has my hand on the door before I realize, letting in a harsh blast of ice cold air. Stretching my legs out on the icy concrete, I knot my arms around myself, my dusty sweater not enough to stay warm. The car is parked under an overpass, the blaring car honks and shrieking brakes on the highway above floats down below and hurts my ears.

We need a shower. We need a change of clothes. We need food and water. We need heat.

We need a home.

Blinking back the tears pooling in my eyes, the lost of my apartment hits twice as hard, nearly knocking the breathe out of me. I lost the one place that I built with my own two hands and hard work. I moved in all the furniture myself. I hammered in every nail, repainted every stroke of paint on the walls because the super, Mr. Miller is too old. I turned the nothingness when my grandmother died, and put my own roof over my head.

Now it's a crime scene. Rendered unlivable by bullets and broken pieces.

I feel so small. I have nothing again.

"Hey miss," I nearly jump a foot in the air. I thought I was alone. "Hey miss, do you have change you can spare? I haven't eaten in days." A homeless guy too young to be homeless limps towards me, clinging onto a ratty blanket with holes. Unshaven, his dark beard is untamed by his jugular, matching his unkept, matted hair. His clothes so dirty I doubt that's their original color.

He's looks about my brother's age, hitting a soft spot at the back of my heart. He's so young, it makes me wonder who in his life doesn't care that he's sleeping on the streets? Why doesn't his family care? Why aren't his loved ones intervening? He reminds of Riley's family kicking him out, and how they didn't care how he lived out of his car.

"Here Jordy," Robin climbs out of the car, handing off her lighter. "Don't take her money. I know you're not really going to spend it on food."

"Do you have anything else?" The homeless guy - Jordy - asks.

"Cleaned out," Robin starts. "Riley and I aren't here to sell today. Take this instead." Robin empties out her pockets, dropping all her cash into his hands. "Go buy yourself a winter coat or something." Waving him off, Robin props herself on top of the hood of Riley's blue car, glancing up at the grey winter sky.