khan's deliverance | [ khan x reader ]

Day Seven: Trying.

367 reads. Wow. I know that's not much, but still, you guys are amazing. 06/18/2014. This story has only been up twenty days. I love you all.

*wHEeEeEuUuUudOwEeDoWeEFUTURISTIC SOUNDS*

Oh Dear Lord it's 12/22/2014 and it's at 21.9K I'm gonna cry oh my goodness I love you all ;v;
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You awoke to the sounds of whispering and feet shuffling about. You groaned, sitting up. You suddenly felt the freedom of your hands as you pushed yourself up on the bed. Your head ached, and a throbbing sensation spread through your limbs. You went to scratch your head, and noticed a bandage on it, trapping your hair on your scalp.

"Nasty wound, Lieutenant. I wouldn't suggest any strenuous movement for a long while. Superman really took a toll on you." Bones stated solemnly, clasping his hands in front of himself as you turned your head to him.

You rubbed your eyes, frustrated that the blurriness still hadn't left.

"Superman?" You questioned, your head still foggy as you woke up.

"The prisoner with magic cells. I bet I could inject you with a bit of his blood and you'd be all energetic and dandy, but I've seen how he's been acting the past couple hours and I don't want to risk you getting any mental diseases from that man."

You frowned, opening your eyes fully and glancing up at Dr. McCoy.

"How's he been? And what time is it?"

The doctor sighed.

"He's been absolutely bonkers since he hit you, screaming and yelling and trashing things. And..." Bones glanced behind himself at the clock.

"It's around three in the afternoon. You've been out since yesterday at seven in the afternoon. A lot longer than most people on sedative, I'll have to say. But I heard from a couple of the other nurses that you started struggling in your sleep, and they had to put you under even further, so that might've been it." He said, finally glancing back at you fully.

"Nasty things, drugs. Well, I'd better be off. An Ensign got a compound fracture on her femur, poor thing. Her mother didn't tell her enough times to not run in the halls, I guess. Take care, Lieutenant." Bones gave you a nod, and you smiled slightly back at him. You felt miserable.

Time started flying by throughout the day, and your vision cleared up substantially. Happy for your newfound freedom that you didn't have the day before, you decided to get up and go exploring at around 11 at night. Walking wasn't a strenuous activity, was it? Before your mind registered where your feet were taking you, the familiar sights, sounds, and smells of the holding brig grasped your senses. The sight of the sleeping form of Kyolla was brought to your attention, but what was more drawing was the weeping form of Khan.

He was weeping. Over what, you didn't know, but he looked very upset. From what you had heard he had been causing a racket for hours on end, and now, suddenly, when he thinks no one can see him, he sobs. You took a cautious step forward, your bare feet connecting with the cold metal floor as you came closer to the huddled figure, his back pressed against the glass. You were only inches from reaching out and touching him, but the glass blocked your way. You sighed quietly, and placed your hand on the glass directly in front of the middle of his back.

Khan tensed up immediately, even though you hadn't touched him. You recoiled, scrambling out of his line of vision and stood, your back pressed against the wall adjacent to the holding cell. You heard Khan stand up loudly, and saw the shadow of a hand pressed against the glass in your peripheral vision. You slowly stepped out of the shadows, swallowing. You had no idea what Khan was going to say, and you were glad about that. You assumed he would be angry. But he melted.

"Lieutenant..." He sobbed quietly, his hot breath fogging up the glass in front of himself. You immediately felt vulnerable for him. You placed your hand where his lay on the glass opposite and smiled sadly, sniffling slightly.

"I'm here."

Khan breathed out a choked-up laugh, and nodded slowly.

"Yes you are." His gaze dropped to the ground, and you could tell his knees were getting weak, his emotional barriers crumbling. Your heart ached for him.

"You're always here, Lieutenant... Even when I don't want you to be..."

You frowned slightly, your fingers curling on the glass.

"Is being here bad? I thought... I don't know, maybe you'd want company that didn't think you're a mad man-"

"But I am." He growled, but his face softened as he slowly sat down, cross legged and his head hung low. His hair was disheveled, and you could tell he had been tugging at it. There were some places at his hairline with traces of blood on them, and you had to resist the nausea that was coming up at the thought of him silently losing his mind.

"No. You're not." You said, and Khan's head snapped up, his eyes full of tears and wonder. You sat down on the ground, your feet tucked under yourself as you pressed your hand to the glass.

"Don't leave me, Khan. I don't think you're crazy, and I definitely don't think you're out of your mind. Please, let me talk to you."

"You don't want to talk to me."

"Yes, I do. Please, let me help, I'm the only one who can, and I'm the only one who wants to at the moment, so please, listen."

"... I'm listening."

"Alright, now you need to trust me. You need to tell me what's going on, what's troubling you, and why. Why all of this is happening." You murmured carefully, your gaze trained on Khan's exposed face.

"I... I don't want to lose you, __y/n__. When we get back to Earth, I'm not going to be able to be with you. I'll be either killed or put back into the temperature-induced coma, and not awaken ever again. Don't you see? There is no way I end up with you, no way in the entire universe I get to live my life with you. And... I'm trying to do what my family and crew started, but since I've met you, I've been so... Conflicted about everything. About my people's goal, and what it suggests. You have changed my views, and I don't know what I am to do now that my goal is almost entirely forgotten. But my crew is my family, and I cannot forget them. They need to be awoken, and if you are to survive and thrive, you cannot be near. We cannot be together-"

"Stop, please." You pleaded, a look of utter betrayal on your face, and sadness coating your every movement. He must've known this all along. He... He knew this was how this would all turn out. That's why he wanted to turn you away, to make you dislike him, hate him, even. He purposefully hurt your friends to make you hate him; but you needed to show him that wasn't how you worked. The man you love could not be forgotten.

"I don't want to hear any more. Khan... I know that this is probably really difficult for you, but... Please, let me fall in love with you while I can. You're the most amazing man I've ever met, and ever will meet, and I don't want to spend any moment without you that I could've been able to spend with you. I don't want to leave you, but I don't want a horrible memory of you left. Let me remember you as you are, not as who you pretend to be to protect me."

Khan hung his head low as you spoke, clutching the bottom of his pants and rubbing the material between his fingers. A low murmur filled your ears.

"I cannot be loved, Lieutenant. I-"

"But I love you!" You cried out, burying your face in your hands.

"I can't believe you, always thinking that just because you can't love someone that no one loves you. That's not the way it works! Please, just... Please believe me."

"__y/n__." Khan mumbled, barely audible over the sounds of the ship.

"Yes?" You sniffled.

"I'll try. For you."