wake up // lil xan

far.

Anxiety was twisting its ugly head at me as I walked into school, and I felt like I could have melted into the floor and would've been fine. Fiddling with my hoodie as I tried to mesh into the sea of teenagers, I felt as if someone could have been watching me, and I hurried to class even faster. Finally, I made it to my seat on the last row, in the very back. My favorite seat because I was far away from everyone where I had my space, and I could still pay attention, if I wanted to, that is. I scribbled on my notebook as I waited for my teacher to start the class when I heard someone whispering.

"You got xans?" My eyes shot up to the voice, and it felt as if my throat closed. I couldn't open my mouth to answer even if I wanted to.

The guy became frustrated, "Well?"

I gulped, and forced out the word, "N-No."

He rolled his eyes and shoved my notebook, "Fucking useless."

Grabbing my notebook from the carpet, I scribbled down the word he had said.

Zans

I traced over the letters until they were ingrained in my memory. I wondered what they were and what they did; and why he had wanted them so bad. Keeping that slip of paper hidden until I made it home to research it, I put it away and forced myself to pay attention in class. English was the only subject I was passing at the moment, and I was trying to keep it that way. The class flew by as I took my notes and ignored the guy that would throw me a few glances. I kept hoping and praying he wouldn't talk to me again because I don't think my anxiety could take it.

When the bell rang I rushed to leave the classroom, hoping to find my best friend to walk with me to our next class. That's when I heard him call my name, "Diego! C'mon!"

I smiled at him and meandered through the crowd, "I'm right here, bro." I reached out my hand, and he grabbed it, pulling us together for our usual hug.

"Let's get algebra out of the way, I'm fucking tired of Miss Faulkner's ass," Kimetrius whined.

I giggled, "Dude, whatever. We only have nine weeks left with her, and then we're out for the summer."

He shoved me, "Easy for you to say, since she has a soft spot for you. She literally gave you 15 extra bonus points on last week's test for no reason!"

I shrugged, and smirked, "Dunno, she probably just wants me."

Kimetrius gagged as he ruffled my hair, "Oh yeah, all five feet and five inches of your prepubescent ass."

"Hey! I'm a late bloomer!" I yelped, feeling the heat rise on my cheeks. My height had always been a touchy spot for me when I realized the other boys around me kept getting taller and taller, and I was about the same.

He cackled, "Whatever you say, Diego. We're here."

I shuffled to my seat and kept my head buried in my book, praying Miss Faulkner would let me be for this class period. Math had never been my favorite subject, and most of the teachers knew it. Whether the information came from another teacher or me blankly staring a hole into the white board, they all knew. I tapped my pencil on my desk as I stared at Kim's loc'd hair from my seat.

Algebra passed by just like English did, and all of my other classes. It was easy when I kept to myself, did my work, and took notes. No one questioned me, and I didn't question them. These next three years couldn't go by fast enough for me because at this point in my life all of my anxiety seemed to stem from this dreadful place. Thank god freshman year is almost over.

The shrill ring of the bell pulled me from my thoughts as I grabbed my bag and I hurried from the room. I waited for Kimetrius at the door and he fist bumped me as we headed to lunch. Walking beside him always made some fragile part of me feel inadequate because he was so tall and confident. His jaw line had become chiseled over the past few months and he was five feet and nine inches. I still kept my head as high as I could as we walked together because he was basically my brother, and I wouldn't let my insecurities ruin what we have.